CHAPTER 1 Weight In our first chapter we will discuss what I would consider to be the touchiest subject for many women, their weight. Yes my friends this is going to be a book where you must pay attention, even though attention doesn't get covered until chapter 12. So get comfortable, pull up a chair, kick off your shoes and prepare yourself, for every journey begins with the First step and today our journey is going to lead us right into the heart of the female mind. INCITE NUMBER ONE Women are their own worst critic, now having said that, here are some phrases that will definitely not win you any popularity points with a woman. 1. Did you put on weight? 2. Are you going to eat all that? 3. Are you eating again?! Any of these comments will put you immediately in the doghouse (LITTERALLY). For any of you out there who are married, IF you are actually allowed to sleep in your own house after one of these foolish statements. 10 CHRISTA ZELLE Be prepared!!!!! For it is not without a price. Rest assured that making an insensitive remark about your better halves weight will undoubtedly confirm your reservation on (OL'RELIABLE) A.K.A. (The Family Couch). Meanwhile . . . the family dog is more than happy to take your place on the nice comfortable bed. Well, the way your pet sees it. If you are going to be sleeping in his bed then he may as well take yours. Although, eventually you will be forgiven, (MAYBE) the callous and ignorant thing you said will not soon be forgotten. As for any single people out there, any one of these remarks will most likely crush any chances of either a first date or any future dates with anyone whom you've been dumb enough to say such things to. This reminds me of a story that I'd like to share with you: About a year ago, my friend and I went to a club for a little fun, just a girls night out sort of thing. After being on the dance floor for about an hour jamming to our favorite music, we decided to head back to our table and waiting drinks. On our way, we had to negotiate our way through several small crowds. Almost to our table and without incident, we then came upon someone who (in an obvious hurry to go nowhere) and possibly a little intoxicated, decided that he needed to be the first one through the narrow wall of people. In his quest, he bumped in to my friend, so hard in fact that he practically shoved her into the people dancing nearby. After forcing his way through he then turned to my friend and much to our surprise, instead of apologizing or excusing himself he just said" Well, if you weren't so big maybe I would have been able to get by without having to shove you aside. Needless to say, my friends' temper flared, as did my own. As far as the ignoramus with a big mouth and no manners, well he barely escaped with his nuts intact! Not only that, but the fool expressed himself so loudly that my friend and I were not the only ones who heard his outrageously rude comment. I know this because as he finished working his way through the crowd, every woman that he passed gave him;" The Look" You know the one I mean, it's that glare that says," IF I'D BROUGHT MY NAILFILE WITH ME TONIGHT, I WOULD HAVE ALREADY STABBED YOU IN THE HEART WITH YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF DOG DIRT." Weight comment no, no Number 4 If you weren't so big, I would have been able to get where I was going. Assuming that because a woman is large she does not rate the same consideration as someone who is thinner is not only inconsiderate but is also rude and juvenile. Unfortunately, a lot of people still think this way. Mankind has been programmed since the start of the Twentieth century that bigger is not necessarily better. Conditioned by 300 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A WOMAN 11 TV and magazines, which hold all their fantasy ideas about what size a woman should be, Ideas on what size is sexy and what is not. For example, when you see a model on television or in a magazine, is she average weight? NO!!!!!!!! Generally, these models are e