A Gay Old Pirate's tale is a romp, a pure farce with pirates, ghosts, gays, guns, killers, and alcohol - lots of alcohol. Poor Declan is learning how to be a pirate captain from his grandfather when the ragtag crew takes on a cruise ship. Unfortunately a sharpshooter club is on the cruise, and the members wipe out the pirate crew. Grandfather Drystan the Dire expires from a heart attack, leaving a disheveled Declan no choice but to surrender and lose his ship ... HIS ship. He jumps into fresh clothes, not noticing that he picked a lovely dress of his grandfather's. He is 'rescued' and assumed to be a female captive. Not everyone is fooled, and Declan is soon rip roaring drunk and behaving very gay. Follow the adventures of Declan, his new gay pals, a murderer in high heels, and a very suspicious, very precocious little girl, the cruise ship captain's daughter.