It felt surreal to be sitting here on New Year's Eve with friends and family as if it all didn't happen. I could hear the laughter of everyone discussing their New Year's resolutions. Each voice had a sense of hope for the possibilities that a new year brings - another opportunity to make their life better than it was the year before. I couldn't. I was considering how the past year had shaped my life and how I could possibly pick up the pieces and carry on. "Damn." Well there goes the rest of my wine and another designer dress. Upstairs to change, at least it gives me a reason to leave the party and time to think in peace. No one else knew and there was no one I could talk to. It was me that had to figure this out on my own. God, what a mess it had all become.