Art of the Apology: How, When, and Why to Give and Accept Apologies
Autor Lauren M. Bloomen Limba Engleză Hardback – 31 dec 2013
- How to choose your words wisely—and why you should never say if
- How to walk the tightrope of apologizing in the workplace
- When to plead guilty in person, and when sending a letter, an email, or a gift is better
- How to say sorry to kids, seniors, strangers, and pals
- When to make your apology public—and when to keep it private
- How to ask for an apology—and how to accept one graciously
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Specificații
ISBN-13: 9781937075002
ISBN-10: 1937075001
Pagini: 224
Dimensiuni: 148 x 217 x 20 mm
Greutate: 0.38 kg
Editura: Fine & Kahn
ISBN-10: 1937075001
Pagini: 224
Dimensiuni: 148 x 217 x 20 mm
Greutate: 0.38 kg
Editura: Fine & Kahn
Cuprins
Introduction
How to Use This Book
Part One: Before the Apology
Chapter 1: Why Apologize at All?
Chapter 2: Think Before You Speak
Chapter 3: The Six Essential Elements of an Effective Apology
Chapter 4: Timing Your Apology
Chapter 5: Choosing the Medium for Your Apology
Part Two: The Apology
Chapter 6: Apologies in the Workplace
Chapter 7: Apologizing in Business (and Why Your Lawyer May Object!)
Chapter 8: Apologizing to Loved Ones
Chapter 9: Apologizing to Casual Contacts
Chapter 10: Public Apologies
Chapter 11: How to Ask for an Apology
Chapter 12: How to Accept an Apology
Part Three: Problem Apologies
Chapter 13: Apologizing for a Serious Transgression
Chapter 14: Apologizing under Difficult Circumstances
Chapter 15: The Thirteen Most Common Ways to Botch an Apology
Part Four: After the Apology
Chapter 16: After You Apologize
Chapter 17: Forgiving Yourself
Chapter 18: Learning from Your Apologies
Chapter 19: Creating an Apology-Friendly Workplace
Chapter 20: Working to Build an Apology-Friendly World
Acknowledgments
How to Use This Book
Part One: Before the Apology
Chapter 1: Why Apologize at All?
Chapter 2: Think Before You Speak
Chapter 3: The Six Essential Elements of an Effective Apology
Chapter 4: Timing Your Apology
Chapter 5: Choosing the Medium for Your Apology
Part Two: The Apology
Chapter 6: Apologies in the Workplace
Chapter 7: Apologizing in Business (and Why Your Lawyer May Object!)
Chapter 8: Apologizing to Loved Ones
Chapter 9: Apologizing to Casual Contacts
Chapter 10: Public Apologies
Chapter 11: How to Ask for an Apology
Chapter 12: How to Accept an Apology
Part Three: Problem Apologies
Chapter 13: Apologizing for a Serious Transgression
Chapter 14: Apologizing under Difficult Circumstances
Chapter 15: The Thirteen Most Common Ways to Botch an Apology
Part Four: After the Apology
Chapter 16: After You Apologize
Chapter 17: Forgiving Yourself
Chapter 18: Learning from Your Apologies
Chapter 19: Creating an Apology-Friendly Workplace
Chapter 20: Working to Build an Apology-Friendly World
Acknowledgments
Recenzii
“This splendid little book not only contains much of practical value (I was personally helped by it), it will encourage the development of such virtues as honesty and humility, and that is no small gift.” —Rabbi Harold Kushner, author, When Bad Things Happen to Good People
“This book is a gem. Pick one up for yourself as well as for everyone you care about.”—Bob Burg, coauthor (with John David Mann) of The Go-Giver
“Apologies hold great potential for personal growth. Through them we learn confidence, responsibility, empathy and honesty. In essence we strengthen our own character when we apologize. This book is excellent encouragement to regain strengths we may have lost or let slide over the years.” —Lizzie Post, author, How Do You Work This Life Thing?
“This book is a gem. Pick one up for yourself as well as for everyone you care about.”—Bob Burg, coauthor (with John David Mann) of The Go-Giver
“Apologies hold great potential for personal growth. Through them we learn confidence, responsibility, empathy and honesty. In essence we strengthen our own character when we apologize. This book is excellent encouragement to regain strengths we may have lost or let slide over the years.” —Lizzie Post, author, How Do You Work This Life Thing?
Notă biografică
Lauren M. Bloom, J.D., is an internationally recognized expert on professional ethics and personal integrity. She has appeared on MSNBC, ESPN, the Today show, and Fox News and as a keynote speaker across North America and Europe. Lauren has devoted her career to helping business professionals earn and maintain the trust of their clients, customers, colleagues, and associates. An attorney and a newly ordained interfaith minister, she lives in Springfield, Virginia.
Comentariile autorului
From the Introduction:
Since childhood, I’ve been a passionate lover of the performing arts, enjoying music and theater both as a performer and as a delighted audience member. One of my favorite high school roles was Lucy in You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown, a musical comedy based on Charles Schulz’s much-loved comic strip Peanuts. In a most memorable scene, hotheaded Lucy storms onstage and informs her brother Linus that their mother has cancelled Lucy’s birthday party because Lucy has misbehaved. Linus sensibly suggests that Lucy apologize to their mother, providing a little speech that begins, “I’m sorry, dear Mother.” Lucy agrees to try it, and manages to struggle through almost to the end before turning to Linus and bellowing, “I’D RATHER DIE!!!”
That scene drew an appreciative laugh from the audience and especially amused my mother, who happily quoted that speech for years whenever we had an argument. There were moments when I was very sorry I had ever played the part in front of her, but that speech is the only thing in the show that I remember decades later. Even then, I could see the value of a good apology.
I’ve since grown up, gone to law school, and spent twenty-five years working as an attorney. I’ve counseled dozens of clients through professional crises, argued in front of federal judges, and spent hundreds of hours educating professionals on good business conduct. I’ve been married and divorced, changed jobs several times, traveled extensively at home and abroad, held friends’ hands through their personal troubles, read dozens of self-help books, and watched people interact in settings from the highway to the boardroom as they struggled to get along. Based on all those experiences, I’ve come to one inescapable conclusion: Nobody’s perfect.
As fallible human beings, we’re bound to make mistakes. If such a notable as Saint Paul could lament, “That which I should do, I do not—that which I should not do, I do,” what hope do the rest of us have of getting through life without doing something wrong now and then? We lie, we procrastinate, we break promises, we make unkind remarks or stupid jokes, and we step on each other’s toes every single day. And, unless we do something about it, our relationships with the people around us suffer for it.
The secret, when you make a mistake, is to apologize.
Unfortunately, many people find making an apology downright painful. They would rather go to the dentist for a root canal than apologize for something they’ve done wrong. It’s not that they’re coldhearted. It’s usually that they’re embarrassed, uncomfortable, or unsure of what to say. They find it’s easier to shrug it off, make a joke, hope the whole problem will just go away over time, or even end a relationship altogether than it is to go to someone they’ve angered or hurt and apologize.
This book is intended to help you think about the importance and value of apologies, and to learn how to apologize effectively to practically anyone. Apologizing can be difficult, but it’s essential to maintaining successful relationships and a civilized society. Unless you’re prepared to change jobs on a regular basis and replace your friends once a year and your spouse once a decade, learning how to apologize effectively is an essential skill at work, at home, and in life.
In the chapters that follow, we’ll discuss the reasons to apologize and when and how to do it. We’ll look at how apologies need to differ in different settings, and why the way you apologize to a business associate is not the way you apologize to a friend or loved one. We’ll look at the most common mistakes people make when they apologize, and identify ways to avoid them. We’ll examine alternatives in situations in which you can’t bring yourself to apologize, and we’ll address the special challenges that accompany having to apologize for a really spectacular blunder. Finally, we’ll talk about how to accept an apology in a way that leads to true forgiveness and stronger relationships.
Throughout this book, you’ll find stories about how people dealt with various situations in which an apology was in order. These are true stories involving friends, colleagues, and clients that I’ve encountered over the years. I’ve changed their names and, in some cases, altered the facts a little to protect the privacy of the people involved. These stories are intended to demonstrate the fine art of the apology, illustrating how to apologize and some of the pitfalls to avoid.
Inspirational author Margaret Lee Runbeck once wrote, “Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift.” I hope you will use the ideas in this book to make your own life, and those of the people around you, a little more gracious.
Since childhood, I’ve been a passionate lover of the performing arts, enjoying music and theater both as a performer and as a delighted audience member. One of my favorite high school roles was Lucy in You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown, a musical comedy based on Charles Schulz’s much-loved comic strip Peanuts. In a most memorable scene, hotheaded Lucy storms onstage and informs her brother Linus that their mother has cancelled Lucy’s birthday party because Lucy has misbehaved. Linus sensibly suggests that Lucy apologize to their mother, providing a little speech that begins, “I’m sorry, dear Mother.” Lucy agrees to try it, and manages to struggle through almost to the end before turning to Linus and bellowing, “I’D RATHER DIE!!!”
That scene drew an appreciative laugh from the audience and especially amused my mother, who happily quoted that speech for years whenever we had an argument. There were moments when I was very sorry I had ever played the part in front of her, but that speech is the only thing in the show that I remember decades later. Even then, I could see the value of a good apology.
I’ve since grown up, gone to law school, and spent twenty-five years working as an attorney. I’ve counseled dozens of clients through professional crises, argued in front of federal judges, and spent hundreds of hours educating professionals on good business conduct. I’ve been married and divorced, changed jobs several times, traveled extensively at home and abroad, held friends’ hands through their personal troubles, read dozens of self-help books, and watched people interact in settings from the highway to the boardroom as they struggled to get along. Based on all those experiences, I’ve come to one inescapable conclusion: Nobody’s perfect.
As fallible human beings, we’re bound to make mistakes. If such a notable as Saint Paul could lament, “That which I should do, I do not—that which I should not do, I do,” what hope do the rest of us have of getting through life without doing something wrong now and then? We lie, we procrastinate, we break promises, we make unkind remarks or stupid jokes, and we step on each other’s toes every single day. And, unless we do something about it, our relationships with the people around us suffer for it.
The secret, when you make a mistake, is to apologize.
Unfortunately, many people find making an apology downright painful. They would rather go to the dentist for a root canal than apologize for something they’ve done wrong. It’s not that they’re coldhearted. It’s usually that they’re embarrassed, uncomfortable, or unsure of what to say. They find it’s easier to shrug it off, make a joke, hope the whole problem will just go away over time, or even end a relationship altogether than it is to go to someone they’ve angered or hurt and apologize.
This book is intended to help you think about the importance and value of apologies, and to learn how to apologize effectively to practically anyone. Apologizing can be difficult, but it’s essential to maintaining successful relationships and a civilized society. Unless you’re prepared to change jobs on a regular basis and replace your friends once a year and your spouse once a decade, learning how to apologize effectively is an essential skill at work, at home, and in life.
In the chapters that follow, we’ll discuss the reasons to apologize and when and how to do it. We’ll look at how apologies need to differ in different settings, and why the way you apologize to a business associate is not the way you apologize to a friend or loved one. We’ll look at the most common mistakes people make when they apologize, and identify ways to avoid them. We’ll examine alternatives in situations in which you can’t bring yourself to apologize, and we’ll address the special challenges that accompany having to apologize for a really spectacular blunder. Finally, we’ll talk about how to accept an apology in a way that leads to true forgiveness and stronger relationships.
Throughout this book, you’ll find stories about how people dealt with various situations in which an apology was in order. These are true stories involving friends, colleagues, and clients that I’ve encountered over the years. I’ve changed their names and, in some cases, altered the facts a little to protect the privacy of the people involved. These stories are intended to demonstrate the fine art of the apology, illustrating how to apologize and some of the pitfalls to avoid.
Inspirational author Margaret Lee Runbeck once wrote, “Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift.” I hope you will use the ideas in this book to make your own life, and those of the people around you, a little more gracious.
Textul de pe ultima copertă
What matters is what you say…after you’ve said “I’m sorry.”
Whether you’ve been thoughtless, dishonest, hurtful, or just plain stupid, a good apology can provide an opportunity to start fresh, make things right or at the very least—make things better. But delivering a successful apology isn’t always easy.
In Art of the Apology, attorney Lauren M. Bloom examines the value and the power of “eating crow”: how it can contain a crisis, save a relationship, preserve your integrity, and even prevent a lawsuit.
Learn why you should apologize and how to choose the right time and place, whether you want to save face, avoid regrets, or express genuine remorse. Identify the six essential elements of any effective apology—and the thirteen most common ways to botch it. Discover how to make apologies in the workplace, to friends and loved ones, to casual acquaintances, and in public. Relationships are far too important to be burdened by grudges. Clear your conscience, learn from your mistakes, and build a more forgiving world—one apology at a time.
Whether you’ve been thoughtless, dishonest, hurtful, or just plain stupid, a good apology can provide an opportunity to start fresh, make things right or at the very least—make things better. But delivering a successful apology isn’t always easy.
In Art of the Apology, attorney Lauren M. Bloom examines the value and the power of “eating crow”: how it can contain a crisis, save a relationship, preserve your integrity, and even prevent a lawsuit.
Learn why you should apologize and how to choose the right time and place, whether you want to save face, avoid regrets, or express genuine remorse. Identify the six essential elements of any effective apology—and the thirteen most common ways to botch it. Discover how to make apologies in the workplace, to friends and loved ones, to casual acquaintances, and in public. Relationships are far too important to be burdened by grudges. Clear your conscience, learn from your mistakes, and build a more forgiving world—one apology at a time.
Descriere
What matters is what you say… after you’ve said “I’m sorry.”
Whether you’ve been thoughtless, dishonest, hurtful, or just plain stupid, a good apology can provide an opportunity to start fresh, make things right or at the very least—make things better. But delivering a successful apology isn’t always easy. In Art of the Apology attorney and Interfaith minister Lauren M. Bloom examines the value and the power of “eating crow”: how it can contain a crisis, save a relationship, preserve your integrity, and even prevent a lawsuit.
Whether you’ve been thoughtless, dishonest, hurtful, or just plain stupid, a good apology can provide an opportunity to start fresh, make things right or at the very least—make things better. But delivering a successful apology isn’t always easy. In Art of the Apology attorney and Interfaith minister Lauren M. Bloom examines the value and the power of “eating crow”: how it can contain a crisis, save a relationship, preserve your integrity, and even prevent a lawsuit.