Erika was a happy wife and stay at home mother living 20 miles north of Boston, maintaining a happy family life, with a successful career behind her, but while also struggling with alcoholism for over a decade, which denial kept in motion. After having already succeeded with a period of addiction and brief struggle with anxiety as a youth, Erika experienced her fair share of being a troubled wild child. At 19 she landed a dream job, went to college and completed the proverbial sequence of acquisitions such a house, a happy marriage and next came baby. But nothing could have prepared her nor could she have ever believed the turmoil & destruction that would plague her and her family over a decade later when numerous and tumultuous life changing hardships would change her as a person entirely. Her life was on a fast track to an unmanageable, tragic series of events. In an area where opiate addiction has been an epidemic, far before the media caught up with calling it so, Erika entered into that culture innocently as most, but it didn't take long before she was overcome by the total power of her addiction, which spiraled out of control and led her down a road filled with continuous obstacles, yet no where to turn. Erika began a relentless battle to end what was ruining her life, but an unimaginable amount of hardships kept presenting themselves. Her only child was diagnosed as severely autistic and nonverbal, her health declined rapidly and the failed attempts at keeping her secret addiction hidden while trying to stop, only compounded her distress. Nobody knew it was just the beginning. Erika's unforgiving and rapid descent into a severe, major depression, exacerbated all other battle she so wanted to win. What followed was a painful desperation for an escape, any escape, which resulted in a devastating affair, 7 psychiatric hospitalizations in just 5 months, a suicide attempt and an accidental overdose, leaving her involuntarily hospitalized and feeling that there was no reason to keep fighting, no reasons to stay alive. After a far too long whirlwind of loss and trauma, she managed to survive willfully and enter recovery, gaining a sense of self once again and finding the will to live instead of giving up. This memoir tells of her revelations as Erika recounts the events leading up to the most severe period of turmoil and the memories of her intense deterioration, with fresh insight, providing readers with perspectives of how those around her felt and were affected by her illnesses and all retold with such palpable emotion, leaving you with an experience you will not likely forget.