Football has evolved on a massive scale. Transfer fees have reached the hundreds of millions and if the growth remains unchecked the sport will reach imponderable heights. The global pandemic of 2020 provided a stark illustration of the game's sense of priority. Mounting death rates failed to stifle the rapidly convened debates about the practicalities of getting football back up and running. Yet for all the game's burgeoning development and inflated sense of importance, we will never lose our love of those foibles and eccentricities which remind us of football's tendency to regress into its rawest format. This book is about the crazy goings-on in the history of Ayr United and, to a lesser degree, Ayr FC and Parkhouse. What happens when the goalkeeper doesn't turn up? What can be done when the ball bursts? Why did an opposition player don a disguise? It is tantamount to a reality check. Football's unpredictability extends to far more than unexpected results. It has the capacity to create scenarios that could not even be dreamt of. Boxers versus Jockeys at Somerset Park - let that one sink in