Becoming Hank Moody

""There's no such thing as a two hour orgasm or my lesser work. You're shit out of luck.""

-Hank Moody

A lot of people want to be like Hank Moody - the style, girls, looks, and general aura is enough to send half of the population wild and the other half running to the hills, away from territory where a barely-if-at-all-functioning reckless sociopath alcoholic child-man can become a sex symbol. This is America - the grass is green and the other grass causes a lot more interest. And this is California - all the girls are pretty or they're taken away and (at best) killed or (at worst) shipped to Portland. Presumably.

But if you can't beat them, join them - then at least you'll probably still have the option to beat off (if you can't see the metaphor, it's your own fault) - and L.A. Moore's book on becoming Hank Moody is one of the very best of its genre as a self-help book built around the imagined life of a fictional character. It doesn't teach you how to become fiction, but it will show you the mystical method to becoming more like America's favourite sex-crazed modern romantic.

This great guide is helpfully separated into different sections - or, if you're the literary type, chapters - which each talk about a different part of Hank's life and how to best imitate it, mostly simply to fuck beautiful women, but also to explore what life has to offer, celebrate excellent friendships, see how much love, booze, drugs and life can tear you apart, and getting the right style so you look much, much better than what you actually are. Isn't that what confidence is, anyway?

Confidence is - maybe above everything else - what Hank Moody is truly made of. And therefore, that's what this book focuses more on than anything else. Of course, there are stacks of books out there on the internet or even presumably in people's book collections that will claim to be able to teach you to be confident, but this is where Moore's book differs - it won't teach you to be confident; it'll teach you to teach yourself. This is about Hank Moody and his life and how you might be able to copy it - it's not about you. Nobody wants to write about you. That's why you want to be like Hank Moody.

As the man himself says, "I can't teach you how to write, and anybody who says they can is full of shit." In a similar way, nobody can teach you how to be confident - you have to work that out all on your own. This book will certainly help though. Similarly, nobody's going to teach you how to get all of the beautiful women - those who know are a little bit busy fucking - but watching them do it (pulling, not fucking - that's a different thing) will be immensely helpful with your own learning process.

Remember, though: he may be easy, but he's not sleazy. Enjoy the book.