Birthing a microwave. Breaking up with a male meter maid. Confronting a fellow bird with a lazy eye. In Bedtime Stories To Read To Yourself If You Like Dreaming About Stupid Things, Joe Gerlitz explores the ridiculous, peculiar and seemingly unimaginable. What exactly did President Lincoln have living inside his top hat? How bad does it suck to be the tandem bicyclist who has to always ride in the back? Why don't more doctors force patients to wear a dog cone? All of these pressing questions are answered in Gerlitz's writing debut.