Deeply upset by rampant naughtiness, Santa Claus decides to launch nuclear missiles at the world. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer argues he's being too rash, that not all humans are bad. Santa agrees to cancel the missile strike if he can find someone who will slay twenty-nine bad people by Christmas Eve. He settles on his kin Sam Mollusk of Poway, California. Sam begins by killing the neighborhood terrorist. Medusa, lonely for millennia because of the snakes on her head, loves Sam and follows his every move. Meanwhile, root-beer-loving Afghan terrorists Nar and Salah are hoping to gain membership in Poway's Al Qaeda cell and become Tupperware salesmen as cover. Can Sam prevent Al Qaeda's fiendish plot and Santa's nuclear holocaust? Will Sam survive shopping WalMart on Christmas Eve?