How did I wind up in a Kentucky jail cell? I can't put all the blame on Angela Van Landingham. She had her own brand of wickedness-I'm not talking here about her frilly pink handcuffs and tantric love collars-but she's not the one who made me fat. I did that to myself. And how did being fat land me in jail? Because I didn't go to Mexico, as I'd planned. That's where I was headed when I fled from New York, only I made a little detour. If I'd stayed on course and made it to the border, everything would be different now. But I was fat, and I didn't go to Mexico. And now look where I am. Okay, so I robbed her restaurant. She deserved that. But I didn't kill her.