'There was no way in the world I was going to start running away from a male chicken and so, as opposed to fleeing for my life while screaming "Hildegard, I'm being got at by a massive cock!", I used to stand there with a broomstick in my hands warding him off shouting, "I saved your life, you ungrateful feather duster." '
'One thing that isn't often said about female gorillas is that they are exceedingly sexual and if you ever sit next to some, like I have, and are the male of your particular species, you'll have a hell of a job keeping your trousers on.'
'On the few occasions when I had to leave Misty behind, she would sit by the door waiting for me to return. This would often have Hildegard in tears as she wouldn't budge for anything or anybody. On arriving home, Misty would leap up into my arms yelping with joy.'
'I sat in my chair feeling utterly captivated while Nyoka started telling me all about Daphne the lion, who was now roaming freely around my house. Something was niggling me though, and I couldn't for the life of me work out what. Just then, from the cellar there came a blood-curdling scream.'