This is the part of my journey where I speak about you and hopefully, to you. I hope that after reading this, you will realize that the abuse you suffered was never your fault, and that speaking out was the right and only thing you could do.
I know you are trying to overcome and accept your scars, your fight and your pain. I know you feel guilty about surviving, and I hope I can teach you to celebrate your victory.
I know that you have spent every moment since you found your voice to choose right over wrong, even when others didn't. I know you get up and show up each day, even though you'd rather crawl into a hole, and live there forever.
I know you are clinging to a life that has let you down, that confuses you, that has betrayed you, and that has desperately disappointed you. I know you are holding on for dear life.
I know that you sometimes can't breathe when the waves of sorrow come crashing down on you. I know you are trying to find your place in a broken world, filled with broken people.
I know you force a smile, when all you really want to do is cry. I know how much you hate yourself each time you look in the mirror, unable to find a reason to love yourself.
I know you are trying, even when no-one else can see it. I am trying too. I am with you. Believe only this if you can believe nothing else.
If you had told me a week before I woke up different that I would be stronger, braver and determined to banish my monsters back into the abyss, this time without me and my sisters, I would never have believed you.
I was afraid, I was complicit, I thought I was loved, but more than anything, I loved the boogeyman. One morning, I woke up different, and so will you.
You will be removed from those against you when you figure out who those are that serve you.
You will no longer care about those who watch from the sidelines, unable to commit to picking a side. Those that pretend not to know, not to hear, and not to see.
You will discard all that no longer offers you peace. You will value your opinion more - others won't matter so much.
Your only validation will come from you, no-one else.
Loyalty will first be for you.
You will reclaim the you that was once stolen from you, and from the world. You will reclaim your heart, body, mind and soul. You will eventually reclaim your joy and your happiness. You will ultimately reclaim that inner you that was stolen by the monsters of your days and of your nights.
More than anything, for the remainder of your life, you will remember that you were called to a war, many others weren't. Perhaps you've seen too much. Perhaps you've felt too much and been through more than you should have. Perhaps, you've been asked too much of, and perhaps, you've lost too much of yourself along the way.
I am here to tell you that all the too-much'es can never dim your beauty, your strength and your you'ness. You will find your way, because despite the too-much'es, you are still here. You are chosen because of the too-much'es, others would never have survived.
It happened to you, it isn't you. It doesn't define you and it will never be who you are. Their truth will never be your truth. You are grace.