The autobiographical epic, 'Canis Ictus In Exsilium' (Dog Bite in Exile), by the Roman Cynic philosopher and rhetorician Canis Bilius Augustus Ictus, was discovered in manuscript form by Dr. Harald C. Earwicker in the library of the Benedictine Monastery at Subiaco in Central Italy in 1984. Originally intended for oral presentation, Canis's text was transcribed into a colloquial Latin known as Sermo Vulgaris. In 1998, Mr. Earwicker contacted Carlo 'Ubatz' Parcelli, a leading authority on vulgar tongues, for aid in translating the Canis text which Earwicker had managed to spirit away from Subiaco. For the past 16 years both gentlemen have worked assiduously to bring this warrantless manuscript before the public. The epic poem is now presented in its English translation.