Welcome to my world. My name is Matt Shifley (a.k.a. Mr. Shife) and for the past eight years, I have been chronicling my odyssey from a really dumb newlywed in 2005 to an even more mindless, married, stay-at-home dad in 2013. This book is a collection of short, distinctive anecdotes from my blog, Confessions of a Dumb, White Guy. A lot has happened over those years. Some of it funny like discovering that pleated pants can make you look like a sex addict. Some of it heart-warming like becoming a dad and holding my child for the first time. Some of it painful like dealing with the unexpected death of my mother and the aftermath: trying to recover from the worst moment of my life. And through it all, I'm still learning, discovering, laughing, writing, and enjoying life in my little corner of the world. I'm proud to share these tales with you, even the one where you learn exactly why white thong underwear can be a weapon of mass embarrassment.