This is the unedited journal I wrote during the process of my attempted adoption and IVF cycle into a surrogate. During this time, I was expecting my DREAM of Motherhood to be just months away. In this journal, you will see my hope, my dependence on God and heart breaking decisions. When my final Dream of Motherhood died, the grief that followed was debilitating. After all, I did not just lose a baby, I invested everything I had and could imagine into the Dream of becoming a parent, and I will never have that opportunity. My Dream that started in childhood was stolen from me, and no amount of effort or obtainable resources could change the fact that my Dream was dead. This Journal is followed by An Accident Ain't Gonna Happen, which reveals how I took this heart breaking situation and created a new and better life for myself