I am not a writer, nor do I pretend to be one. This is my life story, I strived to keep it as truthful as possible recalling incidents as they accrued. There may be some miss spelled words, improper use of grammar, and some obscene language in this book. I wanted this book to convey the way in which I talk and my feelings. This is my story. It's of a boy with a very troubled upbringing craving to find out who is in in this world. This journey begins with a baby fighting for his life to only to wish at times he had lost that fight. You will snicker and weep reading the many diverse types of circumstances I have faced. A boy struggling with the horror that he may be gay. At a youthful age converting to Jehovah Witness with the added burden this puts upon him. Difficulty with parents as most of adolescents do, but most teenagers don't receive a busted nose from it. You will follow a bewildered boy as he becomes an even more confused adult. Why he gets married at an early age and then has a son. Far-removed from the perfect family as it all falls apart. You will sense my pain as I describe the heart wrenching anguish of coming out as a gay man, and how it's one of the hardest things a person can do. I'm honest about the sex obsession I've experienced for many years, ' and the bad relationship decisions I have made. From being tossed out of a Religion and rejected by friends and family. The battle with the Courts to be able to visit with the one thing that meant the most to me. Losing family, friends, and even pets to death. The challenges of a machinist in a blue-collar world as gay and HIV+. Finally, to find myself battling with the decision of suicide. This is a journey I had to take before I was able to find contentment. A voyage to let go of my past, and more valuable, to find the ability to forgive. Only then was I able to start to live.