Despite its slightly ironic title, this philosophy project is perfectly serious in its exactingly comprehensive analysis of the four main elementally-conditioned class/gender contexts, which have been described as noumenally sensual, phenomenally sensual, phenomenally sensible, and noumenally sensible, the first and third of which form an axial integrity on a diagonally descending basis and the second and fourth of which such an integrity on a diagonally ascending one, so that they divide into two types of society which, as in previous works, have been characterized as either state-hegemonic and church-subordinate or church-hegemonic and state-subordinate, as the case may be. Therefore each of these contexts is more complex than the initial terminology might suggest, because further divisible between male and female elemental positions which in turn subdivide into psychic and somatic aspects which conform to either church or state on what has been described as primary or secondary terms, depending on which gender is hegemonic in any given context, be it upper- or lower-class, in sensuality or sensibility. Consequently our four basic contexts quickly mutate into eight positions that further subdivide along somatic and psychic lines, each of which is subdivisible between will and spirit in the case of soma, and ego and soul in the case of psyche, as described in previous texts but not, we believe, with the same logical authority as comes to light here and reveals, for the first time, just how interdependent state and church can be for better or worse, depending on the axis.