He's Robinson Crusoe. He's an imaginary cowboy. He's a cigar-smoking paperboy of the month. He's friends with Clarence, Graveyard, and Chipper. He and his brother, Frankie, have a go-cart with no brakes. He has a dog named Ginger and a duck named Elroy. He's out of uniform at a funeral mass. He's friends with Agar the Giant, Baby Flo the Fat Lady, and Cash McCain star of the Florida State Fair. He's Giuseppe Fieri, a fourth grader at Our Lady of Perpetual Hell and sits in the fourth row, fourth seat according to his GPA. Nobody past the first row ever wins the community improvement essay contest, but he does. Winning the contest upsets the principal, Attila the Nun. She's been looking for a reason to kick the Fieri family out of school because they don't pay full tuition. The essay judge plans to visit the next week to inspect Giuseppe's community improvements. The problem is he made it all up. He's dead meat.