In 2011 I took my mother and a wheelchair on Hajj. I'm still not sure how she talked me into it. It turned out to be a journey filled with tragedy, comedy and epiphany. This travelogue gives an insight into the essential and yet mysterious Islamic endeavour of Hajj. It is a guide for the unprepared and light relief for those who, like me, struggle to take things too seriously. Those of particularly orthodox or conservative religious views should beware.