from "Lost and Found Again" I got lost again in the maze of my mind But this time I managed to leave my good sense behind I thought that putting a bullet in my brain would take away the fear and stop the pain How tragic, how insane! If only I could set my soul free from my body I'd be at peace again I'd live in ecstasy from the preface to Meryl's forthcoming memoir "By Grace, I Dance" On June 11, 1987, following a three-month period of hopelessness, self-doubt and fear I shot myself in the head at point-blank range with a 22 caliber Beretta pistol my husband brought home one carefree afternoon for protection and target practice. It is a miracle that I am still alive to tell you this story. Even as I write these words now, years after the "accident", I am amazed and horrified by what I actually did.