Meet Khaki Oliver, a woman perennially trying to disappear: into a codependent friendship; an ill-advised boyfriend; the punk scene; or simply, the ether. These days, it's a meaningless job and an empty apartment. Then, after a decade of estrangement, she receives a letter from her former best friend - Fiona's throwing a party for her newly adopted daughter and wants Khaki to join the celebration. One song at a time, from 1980s hardcore to 2010s emo, the shared and separate contours of each woman's mind come into focus. Will listening to the same old songs on repeat doom Khaki to a lonely life of arrested development? Or will hindsight help her regain her sense of self and pave a healthy path for the future? Set in the suburbs of Los Angeles and New York City, I Love You So Much It's Killing Us Both is a Black woman's coming-of-age story, chronicling a life-changing friendship, the interplay between music fandom and identity, and the slipperiness of sanity.