Jokes I Told My Therapist, Plus Cartoons

In this book you will find some old favorites and learn lots of new jokes. Some are great for work meetings, others are for poker games or bars. There are jokes for all occasions.

If you have ever been offended by an off color joke, don't read the chapter of jokes that my wife has forbidden me to ever tell again. (And maybe other parts too. The kids joke chapter is safe.)

Laughter is good for you... So start taking better care of yourself, a friend, or a loved one. Laughter is good medicine.

If you have trouble telling jokes I have also added a few tips on how to "play" the audience. Jokes are great icebreakers useful in all parts of our lives. Teachers, clergy, and salespeople can set the feeling in the room with the right joke. Table Of Contents

1. Jokes to tell to kids (Rated G)

My intent with this section is to offer jokes adults can tell to children. I hope you enjoy watching them laugh. When telling jokes to kids it is best to oversell the punch line. Large gestures and big smiles let kids get into the moment.

2. Back talk jokes great for teens (PG13)

When I was a kid, when TV was black and white, and kids would use one-upmanship to win power on the playground, the world was simpler. A little wit and fast talk ruled. The worst thing you could do was to demean someone's mother, so... a lot of effort was put into attacking someone's mother with style.

3. Jokes you should never tell children

I do not believe in censorship except on a personal level. I don't want a government telling anybody what they can or cannot read. However, if locker room talk isn't funny to you, please stop reading now. If you have ever been offended please do not read any further.

4. Tall tales

These are tall tall tales, but fun.

5. True stories

It is often stated, "truth is stranger than fiction." This section proves that saying to be true. Most of these stories happened to me and my family. The rest happened to patients, friends or colleagues. I'll tell you which are which, but when it comes to patients, friends and colleagues I have changed the names to protect their ids, egos, and in some cases super egos.

6. Jokes my wife forbade me from telling again

My bride of almost 25 years tends to have a good sense of humor. Most of the time she puts up with my jokes and antics. On a few occasions she has even participated with my practical jokes. On a rare occasion, when I tell a joke that she perceives as tawdry, she will call me by my complete first name, "Philip " and indicate with a look of motherly distain how disappointed she is in my choices. I assume she expects me to refrain from telling the offending joke again.

7. In closing, my favorite jokes

I am constantly asked what is my favorite joke. This is a tough question because it depends on my mood and the audience. Please don't judge me too harshly, but here are my favorite jokes.

8. Encore Cartoons

A look inside the mind of a shrink.