For the sake of privacy, all names of people and places in this book are not revealed...... Being physically abused by her mother, mentally abused by two female teachers and almost sexually abused by a male teacher, a little girl walked through her childhood with tremendous difficulties...... However instead of holding grudges, she never stopped searching for answers and eventually was able to figure out the right direction leading to her way of happiness...... As she dug into the bottom, she found the source of her pain was someone she once loved, worshiped and swore to protect with her life when she was a little girl. As an offspring of landowners and feudal scholars, a little girl's life was failed again and again by Mao's system; as Deng Xiaoping's reform policy kicked in after Mao die, and as the little girl was transforming into a young lady, she had to struggle a lot harder than others to accomplish her reasonable dream. Because the inequalities of the society Mao created did not go away with him. History unfolds through a true life story. An easy understanding story leads to the deeper concept of Mao's policy. It is a story touching upon prejudice, inequality, shame, naive, emotion, psychology, struggle, hopeless, persistence, awakening and rewarding. This book is informative and can grow one's wisdom. ...... A little girl was facing to be kicked out of school, only because her family's class status was: landowner... A little girl was refused to let in the school, only because she did not know where to get a badge of Mao portrait... A girl shouldered a huge weight when school began, because she had to first register her shameful family social class status as 'landowner'... A girl's vulnerable position made her a target of her fifth-grade teacher's indecent attempt... A young lady felt hopeless and helpless because she saw no way to get out of the crater Mao dug for her... A young lady was painfully desperate, because the inequality between urban and rural area killed her chance to go to college... For her college dream, she made risky decision that made no sense to people around her; and she had to overcome the kind of psychological ordeal no one could imagine. It was a long, long journey, following her heart's calling... ...... CONTENTS I. "WHO AM I?" II. THE BACKGROUND (1) Paternal Side (2) Maternal Side III. UNDER TEN (1) Calling Other Woman 'Mom' (2) An Unintentional Lie (3) No Chairman Mao Badge, No School (4) Farewell Grandma IV. EARLY TEEN (1) New Life on the Farm (2) Indirect Victim of Mao (3) Being Duped (4) Childhood Ruined 100% (5) Childhood Ruined 200% V. OUT OF THE CRATER (1) The New Farm (2) First Job (3) College VI. A TEACHING CAREER (1) Being a Teacher (2) Marching to America VII. THE COUNTRY OF FREEDOM (1) Brother's Wedding (2) Searching for Answers (3) Happiness Zoom In ....... Her mind and her heart was constantly fighting with each other. Her mind told her heart things were much better already, settled down. But every time her mind couldn't persuade her heart and had to succumb to her heart, letting her heart blindly on the lead...... Yet exactly this kind of mentality eventually helped her to bootstrap herself to where her heart wanted, from a place went nowhere but up...... As she figured out affection was her weakness, she cultivated herself into a mentally independent person. And she was able to set a new direction towards happiness.