Whether I like it or not, my life is a drama. It is often filled with outlandish people and amazing events, some mired in darkness, others illuminating and insightful. But all are opportunities for growth. The theatre where much of the drama plays itself out is in my professional life as a Social Worker. Somehow the pull is strong towards this vocation, which features the full spectrum of the human experience. Here, deeply human themes bubble to the surface and occasionally mirror the deep seated dilemmas of my own existence. The theme that has always carried the most weight in my world is that of Love, specifically, my inability to fully grasp the mysteries of romantic and maternal love. As I reached further into my thirties, I was more than a little stuck on the question - Who am I if I remain single and childless? The stories in Need Big Love, Need it Now, are an attempt to honestly capture the most salient experiences that have taken place over the last five years of my life, at work and in my personal life. These stories take place all over the world and reflect deep images of this challenging question. It was a serious quest, but not one devoid of deeply amusing and lighthearted moments. With a perpetual restlessness and irreverent attitude, I have racked up some wonderful adventures and delighting observations along the way. I tried to take control of my isolation and went to the Americas hoping to find a husband, but instead, came home with the realization that it was the love of a woman that I craved most. I continued to search for the answer to my emptiness, in a range of exotic landscapes, and started to get a glimpse of what it means to find equanimity within myself. Not content just yet, I crashed and burned through another unrequited romance or two in Europe, and through crippling disappointment, started on a long and painful IVF journey. Something radical had to change, so I jumped into the strange mysteries of deepest India, at an Ayurvedic Fat Camp. I needed to raise the bar of risk on each successive journey. But I found that I was indeed, on the right track. With every attempt to avoid psychological jargon, I hope to share the understanding that has educated my heart and mind to the perils of searching outside of myself for what I felt was lacking. I openly herald the dark night of my soul and the very important gifts that I received from this tumultuous time. I wasn't a 'head case' all the time, but the foolishness with which I pursued my Big Love, certainly twisted my personality and friendships. I try not to be too hard on myself in these accounts, for the path of my yearning is not uncommon to the human condition experienced by many. It has been necessary to understand the paradoxes within my journey, self acceptance being the major milestone. Ultimately these observations were the very things that healed me most and gave me meaning. These experiences were the catalyst which moved me through some important limits I had set for myself. I was often horrified by the potential pitfalls of love that were regularly reinforced around me, yet my attempts to force the ideal situation to manifest in my own life, were often sorely misplaced. I had to dig deep into my creativity and surrender to the healing powers of an abundant natural world, to come closer into balance with myself.