American couples often struggle between two choices: "Get Out" or "Gut It Out." Neither option, to stay in the marriage or to leave the marriage, may seem desirable and both routes fraught with pain. Couples get stuck in the belief that things would be better in the marriage if their partner would change this or that. An effort ensues to get your partner to be the kind of person you want them to be and spare you the misery of staying or leaving. However, partners don't like pressure to change and they resist . That's when the battle begins. A healthy option is to change yourself and how you function in the marriage. The problem, of course, is most people don't know what to change, how to change or what to do different in the interpersonal dynamics of their existing relationship. Dr. Anderson provides those answers to what to do and how to do it so you get different results. Nothing changes unless something changes. Here are the guidelines for healthy change. Give up trying to change your partner and invite them to practice with you these suggestions that will lead you out of your miserable dilemma. Based on years of study and experimenting to find out what does work to restore couples to intimate joy and a healthy, vital relationship, Paul W. Anderson, Ph.D. shares with you perspectives, insights and tips to help you put first things first: good interpersonal skills first, love second. Love is never enough to do anything you love to do well enough to keep on loving it. That includes marriage and any intimate, partnered relationship. All you need do now is read this book and practice what you read.