"If they ask you about us, don't tell them anything " Thus begins the unraveling of a ten year-long story of sexual exploitation, infatuation, and cover up. The author describes a life long struggle with secrets of his childhood at the hands of the pastor of his family's Episcopal Church. A teddy bear helps on the tortuous path toward a late life decision to sue his 95 year old abuser. This true story is a study in the complicity of family systems, the institutional church, the law, and the dangers of un-examined trust. It is the story of my life of carrying the secrets of sexual exploitation by my family's Episcopal Priest. I write about my own life as an Episcopal priest and also of effects of my secret on my wife and children. I describe "places" which were part of the secret and the effects of the tangling of spiritual moments with sexual moments and the impact of that on faith formation.