In my case, abuse came in many different forms. Physical abuse was one form. I suffer from tail bone (coxxyc) injury to this day. Mental, psychological, sexual, and religious abuse were the other forms of abuse. Religious abuse can cause a child to believe that killing in the name of God is OK. My second book "Evangelicals, Gay is OK here's why" delves into that subject. When the abuse stopped, without me realizing it, I picked up self abuse by making bad choices and descending into addiction. I got help from 12 step rooms but it wasn't enough. I needed more information and had relapsed a lot for the first 24 years in the program. Landing in the detox psyche unit forced me to look at untreated mental illness and the reasons underneath that abuse. I was told that I was using meth for depression and alcohol and heroin for anxiety and panic. My treatment team including Dr. Drew Pinsky (Las Encinas Wednesday nights) taught me that I was self medicating and the drugs and alcohol were my attempt to correct psychological problems. They taught me a new way to deal and cope. Although I believe that some issues are almost impossible to get rid of, I am much better off than before treatment, which is ongoing. I started to have fun around twelve years old when the abuse slowed down, but some of it was destructive fun and didn't truly make me happy. The book ends well. This book was entitled "Terrified" but I changed it to "Off the Beaten Path" since that title sounds more like the solution rather than the problem. I have added a chapter at the end which is also in my second book "Evangelicals, Gay is OK here's why." That information was given to me probably by that cult I grew up in but I can't say for sure. It is a fantasy ending for the afterlife and my hope for what lies beyond our little lives here on earth. Feel free to look at my video on YouTube at - http: //www.youtube.com/edit?video_id=uvDGBtVVt40 . This book explains how I got to that dark place and also how I came out of it. My partner at the time wanted me to see myself through his eyes and decided to film me trying to detox. I put it up on YouTube and it has been a rewarding experience and a positive channel anyone who has any addiction can go to to understand what self abuse stemming from childhood abuse CAN lead to. Like I said though, the book ends well as my life got so much better after my team gave me enough information so that I don't relapse anymore and actually have fun now. I don't wake up dreading the day wishing it was over anymore and my ongoing treatment makes it possible for me not only to stay clean and sober, but to enjoy it. Thank you for reading. Robert Whipkey (Bobby)