Parenting in the Present Moment
Autor Carla Naumburgen Limba Engleză Paperback – 10 dec 2014
This generation of parents is overwhelmed with parenting advice. Carla Naumburg sets out to remind them that they have everything they need to raise healthy, happy children. Mindful parenting is about paying attention to what is going on with your children and yourself, without judging, freaking out, or thinking everyone should be doing something differently. In Parenting in the Present Moment, Naumburg shares what truly matters in parenting — connecting with children in ways that are meaningful to them and you, staying grounded amid the craziness of parenting, and staying present for whatever life throws your way.
With reassuring, compassionate storytelling, she weaves the most current theories — about healthy relationships, compassionate self-care, and mindfulness — throughout vignettes of her own chaotic childhood and parental struggles. She shows how mindfulness creates a solid foundation for any style of parenting, regardless of your cultural background, socioeconomic status, or family structure. She also introduces the STAY model for tough times: Stop whatever it is you’re doing; Take a breath; Attune to your thoughts and those of your child; and Yield.
Parenting is an ongoing journey that constantly challenges every parent. Parenting in the Present Moment will help each family find its own way.
With reassuring, compassionate storytelling, she weaves the most current theories — about healthy relationships, compassionate self-care, and mindfulness — throughout vignettes of her own chaotic childhood and parental struggles. She shows how mindfulness creates a solid foundation for any style of parenting, regardless of your cultural background, socioeconomic status, or family structure. She also introduces the STAY model for tough times: Stop whatever it is you’re doing; Take a breath; Attune to your thoughts and those of your child; and Yield.
Parenting is an ongoing journey that constantly challenges every parent. Parenting in the Present Moment will help each family find its own way.
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Specificații
ISBN-13: 9781937006839
ISBN-10: 1937006832
Pagini: 191
Dimensiuni: 150 x 226 x 15 mm
Greutate: 0.32 kg
Editura: Parallax Press
Locul publicării:Canada
ISBN-10: 1937006832
Pagini: 191
Dimensiuni: 150 x 226 x 15 mm
Greutate: 0.32 kg
Editura: Parallax Press
Locul publicării:Canada
Cuprins
1. Introduction
2. Losing Myself in Motherhood & Finding the Truth of My Childhood
3. Staying Connected
4. Staying Grounded
5. Staying Present
6. When We Can’t Stay
7. Conclusion and Resources
2. Losing Myself in Motherhood & Finding the Truth of My Childhood
3. Staying Connected
4. Staying Grounded
5. Staying Present
6. When We Can’t Stay
7. Conclusion and Resources
Recenzii
"This is a book written by a parent in the trenches who gets how hard it is to parent (and how hard it is to add anything to the to-do list) and offers some gentle and immediately impactful suggestions on how you can make the experience easier and more enjoyable for you and your kids. I am not exaggerating when I report that reading it has changed my life.”—Parade.com
"Great for moms who want to yell less and relax more. Author and clinical social worker Carla Naumburg, Ph.D. takes the philosophical and ancient ideas of consciousness and awareness and makes them easy to understand and use."—Parents magazine
“This book will help all parents who read it, and become a blessing in the lives of their children.”—Edward Hallowell, MD, The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness
“Parenting in the Present Moment offers a highly-achievable approach to parenting that can bring peace and connection back to the most challenging and distracted times of life.”—Rachel Macy Stafford, Hands Free Mama
“I’m not normally a fan of parenting books—I always seem to end up more defeated than inspired by the end. Parenting in the Present Moment, however, spoke to me—Dr. Naumburg has a ‘been there, done that’ way of communicating her message which didn’t make me feel like a failure and, instead left me wanting to make some positive changes in my life. Imagine that!”—Jill Smokler, Confessions of a Scary Mommy
“Want to shush that inner voice that keeps telling you you’re parenting all ‘wrong’? This book helps parents get out of that rut and into the moment, not a moment too soon!”—Lenore Skenazy, Free-Range Kids
“Dr. Naumburg is a wise and insightful mother who can only talk the talk because she has walked the walk of mindful parenting. This book brings a fresh and potentially transformative message to modern parents. Parenting in the Present Moment is a must-have for the library of any parent who is sick and tired of being sick and tired with the way they have been parenting and want to truly change the way they treat their children and themselves for the benefit of the entire family.”—Mayim Bailik, PhD, Mayim’s Vegan Table, actress, neuroscientist
“In today’s high-pressure parenting climate, it’s refreshing to read a message like Carla’s that assures us that raising children is not about what we do, or don’t do, perfectly. Instead, as she shows us, it’s a constant practice, and this simple shift in mindset will help parents to understand how to stay present, connected and grounded. Reading this lovely, warm book is like having a cup of tea with a compassionate and wise friend.” —Christine Gross-Loh, Parenting Without Borders
“Thanks to Carla Naumburg’s wonderfully engaging tone, honest and relatable personal anecdotes, and tips that are both simple to remember and to implement, Parenting in the Present Moment gave me the confidence and hope that I could finally be the ‘more present’ parent I have always struggled (yet dreamed) to be.”—The Orange Rhino, Sheila McCraith, Yell Less, Love More
“Full of wise insights, wonderful storytelling and practical guidance, this book should be on every parent’s reading list.”—Elisha Goldstein, PhD, The Now Effect
“Be here, now. Even if Carla Naumburg just wrote it over and over, Bart-Simpson-style, for 200 pages, this would be a deeply useful and inspiring book. But of course she offers so much more: practical advice, from-the-trenches reporting, and compassionate wisdom about how to raise a family intentionally. Or, as she puts it, mindfully—attentive to all the moments, and to the fact that the moments are all we ever have.” —Catherine Newman, Waiting for Birdy
“Carla Naumburg reminds us of the great value that exists in our relationships with our children, and the importance of taking care of ourselves while we juggle all that life throws our way. She guides us to be present in these relationships, both with others and ourselves, and provides a humorous and honest approach to raising children.”—Kristen Race, PhD, Mindful Parenting
“Honest and disarming, Carla Naumburg’s Parenting in the Present Moment is a must-read for all parents. Grounded throughout by Naumburg’s poignant personal anecdotes, the book is infused with useful tips, moving quotes, and powerful practices. The ultimate message? Parenting is hard, mindfulness can help.” —Brian Leaf, Misadventures of a Parenting Yogi
“Being ‘mindful’ seems like just another thing parents have to master, along with pureeing their own baby food and teaching a toddler the basics of French. But Carla Naumburg doesn’t approach it that way. In her wry, accepting way, she tries to instill in parents a basic attitude which allows them to make each parenting day—no matter how they choose to spend that day—more calm and fulfilling. Whatever kind of parent you choose to be, Naumburg’s book will help you do it with more grace.” —Hanna Rosin, The End of Men
“Humorous, heartfelt, and most of all, honest, Naumburg makes clear that parenting is about progress through practice rather than some kind of perfection we can achieve.”—Christopher Willard, PhD, Child’s Mind
“Wise, tender, honest, sweet, smart, practical, engaging. . . what a beautiful book, a book every parent should read. Dr. Naumburg writes as Carla, a fellow flawed parent, and opens her arms to parents and children everywhere. This book will help all parents who read it, and become a blessing in the lives of their children.”—Edward Hallowell, MD, The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness
“Each day we are inundated with distractions. From the noise of the outside world to the dialogue in our head, moments of meaningful human connection are becoming harder and harder to grasp. Parenting in the Present Moment reminds us that we have the ability to step off the merry-go-round of chaos and immerse ourselves in the present moment. Through realistic examples and down-to-earth language, Naumburg shows us we have everything we need to respond to our children and ourselves with compassion and kindness. Parenting in the Present Moment offers a highly-achievable approach to parenting that can bring peace and connection back to the most challenging and distracted times of life.”—Rachel Macy Stafford, Hands Free Mama
"Great for moms who want to yell less and relax more. Author and clinical social worker Carla Naumburg, Ph.D. takes the philosophical and ancient ideas of consciousness and awareness and makes them easy to understand and use."—Parents magazine
“This book will help all parents who read it, and become a blessing in the lives of their children.”—Edward Hallowell, MD, The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness
“Parenting in the Present Moment offers a highly-achievable approach to parenting that can bring peace and connection back to the most challenging and distracted times of life.”—Rachel Macy Stafford, Hands Free Mama
“I’m not normally a fan of parenting books—I always seem to end up more defeated than inspired by the end. Parenting in the Present Moment, however, spoke to me—Dr. Naumburg has a ‘been there, done that’ way of communicating her message which didn’t make me feel like a failure and, instead left me wanting to make some positive changes in my life. Imagine that!”—Jill Smokler, Confessions of a Scary Mommy
“Want to shush that inner voice that keeps telling you you’re parenting all ‘wrong’? This book helps parents get out of that rut and into the moment, not a moment too soon!”—Lenore Skenazy, Free-Range Kids
“Dr. Naumburg is a wise and insightful mother who can only talk the talk because she has walked the walk of mindful parenting. This book brings a fresh and potentially transformative message to modern parents. Parenting in the Present Moment is a must-have for the library of any parent who is sick and tired of being sick and tired with the way they have been parenting and want to truly change the way they treat their children and themselves for the benefit of the entire family.”—Mayim Bailik, PhD, Mayim’s Vegan Table, actress, neuroscientist
“In today’s high-pressure parenting climate, it’s refreshing to read a message like Carla’s that assures us that raising children is not about what we do, or don’t do, perfectly. Instead, as she shows us, it’s a constant practice, and this simple shift in mindset will help parents to understand how to stay present, connected and grounded. Reading this lovely, warm book is like having a cup of tea with a compassionate and wise friend.” —Christine Gross-Loh, Parenting Without Borders
“Thanks to Carla Naumburg’s wonderfully engaging tone, honest and relatable personal anecdotes, and tips that are both simple to remember and to implement, Parenting in the Present Moment gave me the confidence and hope that I could finally be the ‘more present’ parent I have always struggled (yet dreamed) to be.”—The Orange Rhino, Sheila McCraith, Yell Less, Love More
“Full of wise insights, wonderful storytelling and practical guidance, this book should be on every parent’s reading list.”—Elisha Goldstein, PhD, The Now Effect
“Be here, now. Even if Carla Naumburg just wrote it over and over, Bart-Simpson-style, for 200 pages, this would be a deeply useful and inspiring book. But of course she offers so much more: practical advice, from-the-trenches reporting, and compassionate wisdom about how to raise a family intentionally. Or, as she puts it, mindfully—attentive to all the moments, and to the fact that the moments are all we ever have.” —Catherine Newman, Waiting for Birdy
“Carla Naumburg reminds us of the great value that exists in our relationships with our children, and the importance of taking care of ourselves while we juggle all that life throws our way. She guides us to be present in these relationships, both with others and ourselves, and provides a humorous and honest approach to raising children.”—Kristen Race, PhD, Mindful Parenting
“Honest and disarming, Carla Naumburg’s Parenting in the Present Moment is a must-read for all parents. Grounded throughout by Naumburg’s poignant personal anecdotes, the book is infused with useful tips, moving quotes, and powerful practices. The ultimate message? Parenting is hard, mindfulness can help.” —Brian Leaf, Misadventures of a Parenting Yogi
“Being ‘mindful’ seems like just another thing parents have to master, along with pureeing their own baby food and teaching a toddler the basics of French. But Carla Naumburg doesn’t approach it that way. In her wry, accepting way, she tries to instill in parents a basic attitude which allows them to make each parenting day—no matter how they choose to spend that day—more calm and fulfilling. Whatever kind of parent you choose to be, Naumburg’s book will help you do it with more grace.” —Hanna Rosin, The End of Men
“Humorous, heartfelt, and most of all, honest, Naumburg makes clear that parenting is about progress through practice rather than some kind of perfection we can achieve.”—Christopher Willard, PhD, Child’s Mind
“Wise, tender, honest, sweet, smart, practical, engaging. . . what a beautiful book, a book every parent should read. Dr. Naumburg writes as Carla, a fellow flawed parent, and opens her arms to parents and children everywhere. This book will help all parents who read it, and become a blessing in the lives of their children.”—Edward Hallowell, MD, The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness
“Each day we are inundated with distractions. From the noise of the outside world to the dialogue in our head, moments of meaningful human connection are becoming harder and harder to grasp. Parenting in the Present Moment reminds us that we have the ability to step off the merry-go-round of chaos and immerse ourselves in the present moment. Through realistic examples and down-to-earth language, Naumburg shows us we have everything we need to respond to our children and ourselves with compassion and kindness. Parenting in the Present Moment offers a highly-achievable approach to parenting that can bring peace and connection back to the most challenging and distracted times of life.”—Rachel Macy Stafford, Hands Free Mama
Notă biografică
Carla Naumburg is a clinical social worker, writer, and most importantly, mother. She is the mindful parenting blogger for PsychCentral.com and a contributing editor at Kveller.com. Carla's writing has been featured in The New York Times, The Huffington Post, and Parents.com, as well as in a number of academic articles and online magazines. Carla holds a B.A. from Middlebury College, an M.S.W. from Smith College School for Social Work, a PhD from Simmons College School of Social Work, and she has an advanced certificate in mindfulness and psychotherapy. Carla grew up in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and the Bay Area of California, and she currently lives outside of Boston with her husband and two young daughters.
Extras
I really want to believe that there is some piece of information, some item I can buy, or some self-help program I can start—something, anything, I can do—that will make parenting easier and help me feel more competent and capable. I long ago accepted that there is no handbook for life, but somehow I struggle to let go of the dream of an instruction manual for parents. Apparently I’m not the only one, because versions of that book have been written time and again, from every angle and perspective, filled with advice ranging from brilliant to useless to just plain wrong. I’ve read many of them, and I am, at times, a better and a worse parent for it. Over the years, and through many, many mistakes I have come to remember a fundamental truth that I somehow lose sight of again and again: The challenge of parenting is in learning to stay connected with my children, grounded in myself, and as present as I can possibly be for all of it.
Undoubtedly, I will stray from this. For each time that I remember those words, I will undoubtedly forget them. I will seek answers from those who know me and those who don’t, I will convince myself that just the right purse or cell phone or toy or parenting class will solve my problems and set my family on the right path. I will embrace the tempting delusion that I can control who my children will become. And I will doubt who I am in the face of others who seem, at first glance, to be so much more than me. Thanks to my habits of consumption, control, and comparison, I will be frequently confused about motherhood: who I am and who I want to be, both for myself, and for my children. This is the double-edged sword of living in the modern world, in a world of constant connection and endless information. If I choose to benefit from it all (which I do, on a daily basis), then I must also accept that I will suffer from it.
Mindfulness—the increasingly elusive but ever accessible ability to stay present and accepting of whatever is going on—represent a path out of that confusion. Mindful parenting doesn’t require that I purchase a product, give up my job, become a master chef, discipline my children in ways I might not feel comfortable with, or be anyone other than who I truly, deeply am. The heart of mindful parenting is connection—with our children, ourselves, and the present moment. Learning to stay in connection challenges me to be with doubt, fear, shame, frustration, sadness and anger without wanting to fix it, change it, control it, or wish it away.
This is incredibly simple and incredibly hard to do. I am constantly distracted not only by everything in the world outside of me, but also by the endless chatter and dialogue in me own brain. In addition, it’s hard to know exactly what it means to stay connected, grounded, and present. Those are lovely words to say, concepts that seem to make sense, but what do they actually mean? It’s one thing to read yet another parenting book and agree with the latest piece of “expert” advice; it’s quite another to know how to respond when my child is flat out on the floor screaming and all I want to do is run away. It’s quite another to know what to do when my child is in pain, be it physical, emotional, or existential, and I am drowning in helplessness because the only thing I want to do—make her feel better—is the one thing I just can’t do. It’s quite another to find a way to know how to move forward on those days when I look in the mirror and see a stomach that I still haven’t found a way to accept, dark circles under my eyes, and lines around my mouth that I swear weren’t there yesterday.
The reality is that there are many, many skillful ways to respond to these difficult situations—thoughts I can embrace or let go of, words I can speak, silences I can tolerate, embraces I can offer—each of which may lead to a deeper connection with my child and acceptance of myself. There are also choices I can and do make that, despite my best intentions, seem to widen the gulf between my children and me, intensify our suffering, and leaving me doubting myself and my parenting ability. As we will see in the chapters to come, the ability to stay connected, grounded, and present makes all the difference.
I am still learning how to do all of this, and if I am lucky, I will be learning how to do all of this for as long as I am a parent, for as long as I am alive. Some days I get it wrong, some days I get it right, but the difference is that now I have a compass, a northern star I can always orient towards, one that helps me loosen my obsessive grasp on finding the right answer, solving every problem, and worrying about that which I can’t control. Mindful parenting brings me back to the little people who are in front of me in this moment and back to the person I am in this moment. The trick, of course, is learning to stay there.
Undoubtedly, I will stray from this. For each time that I remember those words, I will undoubtedly forget them. I will seek answers from those who know me and those who don’t, I will convince myself that just the right purse or cell phone or toy or parenting class will solve my problems and set my family on the right path. I will embrace the tempting delusion that I can control who my children will become. And I will doubt who I am in the face of others who seem, at first glance, to be so much more than me. Thanks to my habits of consumption, control, and comparison, I will be frequently confused about motherhood: who I am and who I want to be, both for myself, and for my children. This is the double-edged sword of living in the modern world, in a world of constant connection and endless information. If I choose to benefit from it all (which I do, on a daily basis), then I must also accept that I will suffer from it.
Mindfulness—the increasingly elusive but ever accessible ability to stay present and accepting of whatever is going on—represent a path out of that confusion. Mindful parenting doesn’t require that I purchase a product, give up my job, become a master chef, discipline my children in ways I might not feel comfortable with, or be anyone other than who I truly, deeply am. The heart of mindful parenting is connection—with our children, ourselves, and the present moment. Learning to stay in connection challenges me to be with doubt, fear, shame, frustration, sadness and anger without wanting to fix it, change it, control it, or wish it away.
This is incredibly simple and incredibly hard to do. I am constantly distracted not only by everything in the world outside of me, but also by the endless chatter and dialogue in me own brain. In addition, it’s hard to know exactly what it means to stay connected, grounded, and present. Those are lovely words to say, concepts that seem to make sense, but what do they actually mean? It’s one thing to read yet another parenting book and agree with the latest piece of “expert” advice; it’s quite another to know how to respond when my child is flat out on the floor screaming and all I want to do is run away. It’s quite another to know what to do when my child is in pain, be it physical, emotional, or existential, and I am drowning in helplessness because the only thing I want to do—make her feel better—is the one thing I just can’t do. It’s quite another to find a way to know how to move forward on those days when I look in the mirror and see a stomach that I still haven’t found a way to accept, dark circles under my eyes, and lines around my mouth that I swear weren’t there yesterday.
The reality is that there are many, many skillful ways to respond to these difficult situations—thoughts I can embrace or let go of, words I can speak, silences I can tolerate, embraces I can offer—each of which may lead to a deeper connection with my child and acceptance of myself. There are also choices I can and do make that, despite my best intentions, seem to widen the gulf between my children and me, intensify our suffering, and leaving me doubting myself and my parenting ability. As we will see in the chapters to come, the ability to stay connected, grounded, and present makes all the difference.
I am still learning how to do all of this, and if I am lucky, I will be learning how to do all of this for as long as I am a parent, for as long as I am alive. Some days I get it wrong, some days I get it right, but the difference is that now I have a compass, a northern star I can always orient towards, one that helps me loosen my obsessive grasp on finding the right answer, solving every problem, and worrying about that which I can’t control. Mindful parenting brings me back to the little people who are in front of me in this moment and back to the person I am in this moment. The trick, of course, is learning to stay there.