"the abuser's desire to abuse is not created by the child - it is there before the child appears" Carolyn Ainscough, Breaking Free: Help For Survivors Of Child Sexual Abuse. "The years I've spent allowing you to roll all over my body was an act of murder. Each time you touched me I hated every part of you as I hated every part of me. I absorbed every act of sexual violence as it furthered and deepened the guilt, shame, and the wound. Vinnie, how important was it for you to become my pedophile? Why? Why was I the one chosen to participate in your silent cancerous disease? I will never know." Pedophile 44, page 8.