What's a mother do when trapped outside her home on the second story balcony by a toddler? Who gave the Barbie a mohawk and a pierced neck? How did the kids manage to get on the roof in order to ski off it? Why is there a teenage son hanging by an engine hoist getting the worst wedgie of his life? Learn these answers and more inside this funny book about motherhood and family life. Even if you think you know how to parent, read all the best sellers about raising kids and combined what you learned from your parents and the how to books and thought you had the perfect recipe for perfect children and you were going to be the best mother on the planet, including a seamless pregnancy ending in natural childbirth . . . a few things went wrong. Right? You betcha. Maybe we should have been reading Erma Bombeck instead. Once the cold reality of child rearing raised its ugly head we realized we were in over ours. Children are born knowing how to push our buttons. And sometimes we are taken over by an autopilot system we aren't particularly proud of. To top it off, what works for one kid backfires with the next. In Put Down the Damn Toilet Seat, go into the trenches of real family life with this funny lady and laugh at her embarrassing moments. But be forewarned, by the time you get to the end of the book you'll remember why you chose to do this thankless job that nets you nothing but . . . unconditional love for the rest of your life.