Rage and Resilience: A Journey Through My Beloved's Battle with Cancer

I came from a large family of 10. This was not by any religious motivation nor deep seated belief. In fact, this is a bit unusual for a somewhat middle class conservative Moroccan family. Such trait is more indicative of rural families but we lived in the big metropolis of Casablanca.

My parents never questioned the will of God to have multiple children; we were always considered as a blessing and a gift from God.

By virtue of the size of this family, neither Mother alone nor father or together would have possibly been able to care for a family of that size. We all had to chip in, the older helped the younger, the stronger helped the weaker, the better one at any subject matter in school helped the less apt...So, it was that same family closeness and care for each other that guided me intuitively and intrinsically to find wisdom and strength in helping care for my dying beloved.

Rage and resilience were dominant feelings, but also grit, guilt; and many many more, the experience is so powerful that it awakens every feeling one has, every emotion, all at once. But through it all, love saw me through; a pure love for life, for others and the belief that there must be some greater good that would come out of the trauma. I saw the proof in only few years later; first as I remarried and discovered that I still have love in my heart despite the emotional crippling of the experience; later on, I discovered another love for two little beautiful sisters that my wife and I adopted. Out the death came life and out of love came more love. Love is love