Do you want to learn how to use the Law of Attraction to ruin your life and the lives of others? Do you want to gain massive amounts of weight and develop a constellation of medical conditions in no time flat? Do you want to alienate people and deepen your already wretched loneliness? Do you want to be in debt up to your eyeballs and ruin your financial future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, this book is exactly what you need. I will teach you everything you need to know about affirmations and to use them to ruin your life, often in as little as 30 days. Here is a sample of the affirmations you will learn: I bring endless shame to my family. When my mother first laid her eyes on me, she lost her mind. My family does not know what is more haunting, my presence or a poltergeist. I have a horrible job with horrible pay. I do a horrible service in a horrible way. Coastlines recede as I approach them. My waistline can be measured in Yards. When I fall, I leave behind a crater.