Prepare for a time of action and, simultaneously, inaction "Sally Forth, Vile Curmudgeon" is a simmering stew of hilarity, a single spoonful of which will reveal notes of de-branched fir, rosary-pea pie and bear-daisies. A reader of true distinction might even detect a hint of maple-aged coho salmon. Sal Silver was an average Gordonsburgian boy until a toque-toting, bear-modifying madman embarked on a plan to ruin the Silver family's bakery. Sal's ensuing attempts to protect himself and his parents land him in a string of misadventures that range from the dramatically suspenseful to the downright absurd. If life-threatening culinary face-offs, suspicious front door prices, and the most important alchemical preparation in all of history all seem petty and mundane to you, then by all means, sally forth. But if not, secure yourself to your tome with a piece of Melman's Unbreakable Fish Floss and think smugly to yourself, "If the book moves, I, too, will move "