Although unfashionably late for your boss's important dinner, your wife stops to ask you, "Should I wear my brown shoes or my blue shoes?" Careful. Most rushed responses will land you in various degrees of doghouse-ville, but don't lose heart; one answer will make her love you forever. How do you respond to "The Look" from the object of your eternal affection for your one tiny male-clueless misstep? "One flower given to say, 'I love you' is worth two-dozen roses that say, 'I'm sorry.' Above all else, women want attention." Trophy Husbands comprehend these vital issues, but others need guidance from Secrets of a Trophy Husband to navigate the confounding gender gap--the guidance given with laugh out loud advice and a veritable king's wealth in pearls of wisdom. Casting a wry and seasoned eye on every imaginable aspect of the age-old, boy-girl puzzle, author Lynn Jacobson offers up sixty-two chuckle-worthy chapters and nineteen cartoons that demystify everyday marital pratfall, offering wise and wise-cracking advice on how to emerge triumphantly (or at least breakeven) from any tete-a-tete. Throughout, Jacobson delivers droll and dead-on truisms, such as "No matter how significant a message a husband conveys to his wife, she will always comment on his shirt stain first," to "The only way to have safe sex at the office is to either have your wife be your secretary or work out of your home," and "I'm trying to get obey back into the marriage vows but not where my wife wants it." Secrets of a Trophy Husband also introduces The Trophy Husband Club, which is dedicated to uniting potential Trophy Husbands in their mutually shared endeavors to keep their partners happy, ecstatic, and blissful. The club charter includes nine rules that so-deemed THs must follow to remain in good standing. For example, When a wife, whispers, murmurs, or even thinks "coffee" first thing in the morning, a skilled TH has forty-five seconds to bring her coffee in bed at the correct temperature and in the theme mug of the day; that birthdays are replaced by eight-day birthday weeks; flowers are given on a random bases; and under no circumstances, is the TH ever permitted to count the number of shoes in his partner's closet. In addition, The Trophy Husband University schools novitiates on topics such as laundry folding, optimal dishwasher loading techniques and of course, strategies for keeping one's partner in total bliss. In short, the practiced Trophy Husband comes to understand that their partners above all seek attention, and, while this cadre of men is not comprised of wimps, they are well-versed in fixing their focus. Rich in humor, frequently poignant, and brimming with plain good advice, page after rollicking page of Secrets of a Trophy Husband doles out light-hearted, loving angles on wedded happiness that offer sound guidance-and serious fun."