Want to work harder and longer? Do you dream of how to effectively utilize the space within your cubicle? Want to make more money? Do you want a book that will make all your career goals come true? Then this is NOT the book for you. Dr. Richard Cranium pHd, BS, ADD, ADHD, CFS has consolidated decades of bitterness and snarky comments into one easy read. If you want the secrets of successful slacking, interoffice romance and integrated daydreaming, interspersed with hilarious stories and features about that thing we all love to hate: Work. As a bonus, you'll finally know how to effectively blame your parents for all your shortcomings, learn to envy the janitor, and resent your younger self. Never before has a more incomplete guide to attaining the American Dream been assembled in one place. Just touching this book will possibly cause your next review to drop three points. Just remember, it's not the venerable Dr. Richard Cranium's fault, he's just the messenger. Fun chapters include: Why was I so damn much smarter when I was seven years old?5 A tale of two workers8 Opening my eyes to my little "problem"12 Work sucks and you shouldn't do it if at all possible17 Why you are less valuable to your company than a Copy Machine22 Why you will work your whole life to die in poverty27 Do you deserve a raise? #%@& that, you're probably overpaid31 Why you will never be in the top echelon of your company34 Why you earn less than the CEO spends on a haircut37 Why you should envy the Janitor42 Salary slavery and why you can never work enough hours46 The words we use when we want to look super smart50 How to get promoted through ineptitude55 Your parents lied to you, but in all fairness their parents lied to them58 Why do I have to work with idiots?63 Death in a cage and under fluorescent light67 Doing the dirty with coworkers, and why it's awesome72 Getting written up, warned and brought to Jesus76 Education, or how to spend your parents money really fast81 Why moving up means moving out85 Self Delusionment - The path to career contentment88 Non-Profit work - or how to get suckered into that scam90 Invest your way to financial ruin97 Starting your own business and why it's probably the worst idea you've ever had101 Invent something, so you can get robbed105 Are you passing your delusions to the next generation?108