Shamanic Healing for Toxic Relationships: Dissolve Old Soul Contracts and Retrieve Lost Soul Parts
Autor Stefan Limmeren Limba Engleză Paperback – 22 mai 2025
• Explains how to dissolve old soul contracts, discover the healing power of archetypes, and integrate rediscovered parts of our soul
• Offers practices, such as dialoguing with our soul, and rituals to clear and strengthen our aura, harmonize the four elements, and activate the power of our ancestors
• Includes a potent shamanic soul journey to our soul archetypes as well as a personal hero/heroine’s journey for transformation
WHILE WE ALL DESIRE happy, inspiring relationships, our reality often looks quite different. Instead of love and support, we encounter toxic personalities in stressful partners, demanding bosses, abusive parents, and others. These relationships tend to spiral from good to bad and back again, leaving us feeling stuck and powerless. Yet there are healthy ways to free yourself and the other person from such limiting patterns.
In this guide, shaman and naturopath Stefan Limmer explains how we can track the causes of toxic relationships on the soul level, clear and harmonize our energy field, and activate our ancestral power. Using shamanic techniques like rituals, smudging, and shamanic soul journeys, we learn to heal our soul as we
• identify and dissolve old soul contracts;
• recover and integrate lost soul parts;
• discover and activate the powers of our soul archetypes;
• and learn how to better protect ourselves from toxic influences.
As we reconnect to the fullness of our soul, present relationships will transform, and the path to a more joyful and fulfilled life opens up naturally.
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Specificații
ISBN-13: 9798888502495
Pagini: 192
Ilustrații: 7 b&w illustrations
Dimensiuni: 152 x 229 mm
Greutate: 0.18 kg
Editura: Inner Traditions/Bear & Company
Colecția Findhorn Press
Pagini: 192
Ilustrații: 7 b&w illustrations
Dimensiuni: 152 x 229 mm
Greutate: 0.18 kg
Editura: Inner Traditions/Bear & Company
Colecția Findhorn Press
Notă biografică
Stefan Limmer is naturopath and shaman trained in the shamanic tradition of Michael Harner and has studied Lakota traditions as well as Peruvian and European shamanism. Founder of a naturopath school, he is the creator of an integrative shamanic transformation therapy and facilitates workshops and teacher trainings. A prolific author, he lives in Southern Germany.
Extras
Chapter One
Ego Arises Out of a Feeling of Separation
Our behaviour, especially in relationships, is often shaped by an ego that has arisen from a wounded soul.
A soul entering this world in order to incarnate carries the divine spark of universal, all-encompassing, unconditional love. It understands the nature of the universe and has a specific intention that it wants to realize here on Earth. To do this, it enters into a relationship with the world and other human beings.
In the material world, this soul encounters other energies that are in conflict with its intention, and it is confronted by negative human feelings. This means that the soul is repeatedly hurt by its parents, the environment, and society and slowly loses its connection to all-encompassing love.
Although this love is still stored deep inside, normal consciousness can no longer access it.
These injuries and the lack of connection to love lead to a feeling of loneliness and separation. In order to overcome this pain and no longer have to feel it, the ego is born, which from then on tries to re-establish a feeling of connection through substitute strategies. The inner boycotter—the part of us that derails us again and again and often makes life difficult by putting obstacles in our way—becomes the ego’s most powerful ally.
Victims, Perpetrators, and Rescuers
In order to understand toxic relationships, it is not enough to point the finger at the supposed "bad guys." Toxic behaviour such as that described earlier is, of course, unacceptable. No one has the right to manipulate, belittle, instrumentalize, or abuse another person to satisfy their own deficits, as happens in toxic relationships.
In this respect, it is essential to set clear boundaries and not tolerate or justify such behaviour under any circumstances.
However, practice shows that there are certain subconscious role patterns that cause some people to stumble from one toxic relationship into the next. To permanently free ourselves from these patterns, we must get to grips with them and with ourselves. So let us take a look at how people act, and what basic patterns they follow.
The Victim–Perpetrator–Rescuer Mechanism
As long as we carry a wounded ego within us, and this wounded ego is in control, we tend to adopt certain role patterns. In toxic relationships, in particular, we usually find a clear division of roles among victim, perpetrator, and rescuer models.
To be clear from the outset: We are not victims, perpetrators, or rescuers; we only identify with these roles in changing constellations of behaviour. For example, a person may not take on any of these roles at work and act confidently from their inner creativity and wisdom. When this person meets their parents, however, they may suddenly fall into the role of victim and stoically put up with their parents’ belittling behaviour. In their marriage, on the other hand, this person may act as an abuser, disregard the needs of their partner and children, focus primarily on their own selfish interests, and act in an angry and manipulative manner.
Most of the time we don’t realize that by unconsciously identifying with these roles, we are perpetuating a nightmare that makes it impossible for us to lead a creative life in freedom and love and build nurturing relationships. The goal here is, therefore, to question your own role behaviour, step out of these roles, and connect with your inner creative power in order to act from an inner state of wholeness and freedom combined with love.
Let us take a closer look at the individual roles with which we identify in our relationships. Note, however, that they rarely occur in pure form.
The Role of the Victim
The victim feels powerless and weak. Helpless to do anything about it, they witness time and again how others simply trample over their boundaries. Nobody really takes them into consideration, and all too often their needs are ignored. People in the victim role are repeatedly abused, manipulated, beaten, or humiliated by the perpetrators; they serve as a punching bag for the whims of the "strong." Life doesn’t seem to be on their side. No matter what they do, they are the eternal losers. They never manage to succeed at anything.
If a person identifies with this role in a certain area of life, they automatically relinquish all responsibility for their life. It is always the fault of others—their bad parents, their family, the power-hungry colleague, the adverse circumstances, life, or a God who doesn’t help them.
The victim recognizes neither their own responsibility nor their own creative power. They don’t (yet) know that they are stuck in a role. Recognizing this is the first step towards taking other paths and doing something, despite the difficult circumstances. It then becomes possible for them to heal their soul and leave toxic relationship patterns behind, so that they can shape their life creatively in the future and build fulfilling relationships.
The Role of the Perpetrator
The perpetrator actually has the same inner emotional problem as the victim; they have just unconsciously decided to adopt opposite life strategies. Cut off from their natural compassion and their true inner strength, they go through life ruthlessly. They are constantly ready for battle and see the earth as a planet where only the strongest survive. They take whatever they want, hurt other people, exploit animals and nature, and are always polishing their winner image.
The perpetrator needs the victim as a counterpart, be it in personal relationships, work relationships, friendships, or within the family. They use people (or even animals or nature) to repeatedly prove their superiority and strength. Especially in relationships with other people, they act ruthlessly and use all possible means of manipulation and degradation just to make themselves feel strong.
The Role of the Rescuer
In toxic relationships, it is possible for the rescuer role to be taken on by one of the parties involved as well as by outsiders.
The perpetrator as rescuer: The perpetrator, who has just tortured, humiliated, ignored, and degraded their victim, suddenly changes tack and explains that only through them will the victim ever be able to achieve anything. This is an attempt on the perpetrator’s part to manipulate the victim’s desolate ego even more and make the victim’s feeling of self-worth dependent on their goodwill.
The victim as rescuer: The victim is trapped in the illusion of being able to get the perpetrator to stop their negative and harmful behaviour. The victim sees it as their mission to save the relationship and is prepared to put up with anything to do so.
The external rescuer: The external rescuer sees the problem of toxic entanglement and attempts to help the victim and free them from the relationship. If the rescuer is not caught up in their own helper syndrome, this support can be valuable; however, if the rescuer has helper syndrome and lives it out without realizing that they are no more free than the victim or the perpetrator then, instead of being of help, this complicates the situation further. Since a person with helper syndrome needs someone to help, rescuing the victim is not an option, because otherwise the helper role would become unnecessary and the rescuer would quickly feel useless and empty. Some rescue attempts end in even deeper dependencies and develop into toxic structures themselves, if the basic problem is not recognized.
The Interdependence of the Three Types
The three basic types—victim, perpetrator, and rescuer—need each other, even if they don’t realize it. None of them can exist without the others. By perpetuating this victim–perpetrator–rescuer mechanism, we create our own personal nightmare of envy, resentment, suffering, powerlessness, illness, pain, dependency, weakness, and toxic relationships—day in, day out; year by year.
There are many family systems that also function according to this pattern. The members of the family involved are subconsciously assigned certain roles—roles that each of them must maintain in order to keep the balance. If someone tries to step out of their position and role, everyone else involved will do their utmost to prevent it. As a result, many family systems are trapped in their toxic relationship patterns, frozen and unable to act. Blame, taboos, hurts, and unspoken family secrets are maintained, and no one can or is allowed to assume responsibility and thereby, dissolve these blockages in freedom and love.
Ego Arises Out of a Feeling of Separation
Our behaviour, especially in relationships, is often shaped by an ego that has arisen from a wounded soul.
A soul entering this world in order to incarnate carries the divine spark of universal, all-encompassing, unconditional love. It understands the nature of the universe and has a specific intention that it wants to realize here on Earth. To do this, it enters into a relationship with the world and other human beings.
In the material world, this soul encounters other energies that are in conflict with its intention, and it is confronted by negative human feelings. This means that the soul is repeatedly hurt by its parents, the environment, and society and slowly loses its connection to all-encompassing love.
Although this love is still stored deep inside, normal consciousness can no longer access it.
These injuries and the lack of connection to love lead to a feeling of loneliness and separation. In order to overcome this pain and no longer have to feel it, the ego is born, which from then on tries to re-establish a feeling of connection through substitute strategies. The inner boycotter—the part of us that derails us again and again and often makes life difficult by putting obstacles in our way—becomes the ego’s most powerful ally.
Victims, Perpetrators, and Rescuers
In order to understand toxic relationships, it is not enough to point the finger at the supposed "bad guys." Toxic behaviour such as that described earlier is, of course, unacceptable. No one has the right to manipulate, belittle, instrumentalize, or abuse another person to satisfy their own deficits, as happens in toxic relationships.
In this respect, it is essential to set clear boundaries and not tolerate or justify such behaviour under any circumstances.
However, practice shows that there are certain subconscious role patterns that cause some people to stumble from one toxic relationship into the next. To permanently free ourselves from these patterns, we must get to grips with them and with ourselves. So let us take a look at how people act, and what basic patterns they follow.
The Victim–Perpetrator–Rescuer Mechanism
As long as we carry a wounded ego within us, and this wounded ego is in control, we tend to adopt certain role patterns. In toxic relationships, in particular, we usually find a clear division of roles among victim, perpetrator, and rescuer models.
To be clear from the outset: We are not victims, perpetrators, or rescuers; we only identify with these roles in changing constellations of behaviour. For example, a person may not take on any of these roles at work and act confidently from their inner creativity and wisdom. When this person meets their parents, however, they may suddenly fall into the role of victim and stoically put up with their parents’ belittling behaviour. In their marriage, on the other hand, this person may act as an abuser, disregard the needs of their partner and children, focus primarily on their own selfish interests, and act in an angry and manipulative manner.
Most of the time we don’t realize that by unconsciously identifying with these roles, we are perpetuating a nightmare that makes it impossible for us to lead a creative life in freedom and love and build nurturing relationships. The goal here is, therefore, to question your own role behaviour, step out of these roles, and connect with your inner creative power in order to act from an inner state of wholeness and freedom combined with love.
Let us take a closer look at the individual roles with which we identify in our relationships. Note, however, that they rarely occur in pure form.
The Role of the Victim
The victim feels powerless and weak. Helpless to do anything about it, they witness time and again how others simply trample over their boundaries. Nobody really takes them into consideration, and all too often their needs are ignored. People in the victim role are repeatedly abused, manipulated, beaten, or humiliated by the perpetrators; they serve as a punching bag for the whims of the "strong." Life doesn’t seem to be on their side. No matter what they do, they are the eternal losers. They never manage to succeed at anything.
If a person identifies with this role in a certain area of life, they automatically relinquish all responsibility for their life. It is always the fault of others—their bad parents, their family, the power-hungry colleague, the adverse circumstances, life, or a God who doesn’t help them.
The victim recognizes neither their own responsibility nor their own creative power. They don’t (yet) know that they are stuck in a role. Recognizing this is the first step towards taking other paths and doing something, despite the difficult circumstances. It then becomes possible for them to heal their soul and leave toxic relationship patterns behind, so that they can shape their life creatively in the future and build fulfilling relationships.
The Role of the Perpetrator
The perpetrator actually has the same inner emotional problem as the victim; they have just unconsciously decided to adopt opposite life strategies. Cut off from their natural compassion and their true inner strength, they go through life ruthlessly. They are constantly ready for battle and see the earth as a planet where only the strongest survive. They take whatever they want, hurt other people, exploit animals and nature, and are always polishing their winner image.
The perpetrator needs the victim as a counterpart, be it in personal relationships, work relationships, friendships, or within the family. They use people (or even animals or nature) to repeatedly prove their superiority and strength. Especially in relationships with other people, they act ruthlessly and use all possible means of manipulation and degradation just to make themselves feel strong.
The Role of the Rescuer
In toxic relationships, it is possible for the rescuer role to be taken on by one of the parties involved as well as by outsiders.
The perpetrator as rescuer: The perpetrator, who has just tortured, humiliated, ignored, and degraded their victim, suddenly changes tack and explains that only through them will the victim ever be able to achieve anything. This is an attempt on the perpetrator’s part to manipulate the victim’s desolate ego even more and make the victim’s feeling of self-worth dependent on their goodwill.
The victim as rescuer: The victim is trapped in the illusion of being able to get the perpetrator to stop their negative and harmful behaviour. The victim sees it as their mission to save the relationship and is prepared to put up with anything to do so.
The external rescuer: The external rescuer sees the problem of toxic entanglement and attempts to help the victim and free them from the relationship. If the rescuer is not caught up in their own helper syndrome, this support can be valuable; however, if the rescuer has helper syndrome and lives it out without realizing that they are no more free than the victim or the perpetrator then, instead of being of help, this complicates the situation further. Since a person with helper syndrome needs someone to help, rescuing the victim is not an option, because otherwise the helper role would become unnecessary and the rescuer would quickly feel useless and empty. Some rescue attempts end in even deeper dependencies and develop into toxic structures themselves, if the basic problem is not recognized.
The Interdependence of the Three Types
The three basic types—victim, perpetrator, and rescuer—need each other, even if they don’t realize it. None of them can exist without the others. By perpetuating this victim–perpetrator–rescuer mechanism, we create our own personal nightmare of envy, resentment, suffering, powerlessness, illness, pain, dependency, weakness, and toxic relationships—day in, day out; year by year.
There are many family systems that also function according to this pattern. The members of the family involved are subconsciously assigned certain roles—roles that each of them must maintain in order to keep the balance. If someone tries to step out of their position and role, everyone else involved will do their utmost to prevent it. As a result, many family systems are trapped in their toxic relationship patterns, frozen and unable to act. Blame, taboos, hurts, and unspoken family secrets are maintained, and no one can or is allowed to assume responsibility and thereby, dissolve these blockages in freedom and love.
Cuprins
Preface
1
Toxic Relationships
Reality and Illusion
Indicators of Toxic Relationships
Victims, Perpetrators, and Rescuers
Personality Disorders and Toxic Relationships
2
Soul Issues and Soul Wounds –
The Real Causes of Toxic Relationships
The Creative Universe
The Universal Laws of Life
The Call of our Soul
Self-Love and Self-Worth
Injuries to the Soul
The Relationship Problems of Our Ancestors
Our Subtle Energy System
The Energy of the Four Elements
Archetypes—Primal Images of the Soul
Negative Thoughts, Feelings, and Beliefs
3
Ways Out of Toxic Relationship Patterns
and Toxic Relationships
Making a Decision
Healing the Soul in Dialogue with the Soul
The Ritual Framework
The Sacred Space and the Protective Circle
Activating Self-Love
Creating a Clear Vision
Strengthening and Clearing the Aura
Harmonizing the Chakras and the Frontal Eminences
Harmonizing the Energy of the Four Elements
Activating the Power of the Ancestors
The Shamanic Soul Journey, Light
Your Personal Hero’s Journey
Quick Help
Finally – What is Real Love?
Appendix: Transcript of the Shamanic Soul Journey, Light
Resources
Rituals and Exercises
Index
About the Author
1
Toxic Relationships
Reality and Illusion
Indicators of Toxic Relationships
Victims, Perpetrators, and Rescuers
Personality Disorders and Toxic Relationships
2
Soul Issues and Soul Wounds –
The Real Causes of Toxic Relationships
The Creative Universe
The Universal Laws of Life
The Call of our Soul
Self-Love and Self-Worth
Injuries to the Soul
The Relationship Problems of Our Ancestors
Our Subtle Energy System
The Energy of the Four Elements
Archetypes—Primal Images of the Soul
Negative Thoughts, Feelings, and Beliefs
3
Ways Out of Toxic Relationship Patterns
and Toxic Relationships
Making a Decision
Healing the Soul in Dialogue with the Soul
The Ritual Framework
The Sacred Space and the Protective Circle
Activating Self-Love
Creating a Clear Vision
Strengthening and Clearing the Aura
Harmonizing the Chakras and the Frontal Eminences
Harmonizing the Energy of the Four Elements
Activating the Power of the Ancestors
The Shamanic Soul Journey, Light
Your Personal Hero’s Journey
Quick Help
Finally – What is Real Love?
Appendix: Transcript of the Shamanic Soul Journey, Light
Resources
Rituals and Exercises
Index
About the Author
Recenzii
“For anyone seeking to heal relationships on a spiritual level, I recommend Shamanic Healing for Toxic Relationships. This resource provides clear guidance along with a variety of spiritual, shamanic, and energetic rituals designed to help individuals transform and resolve unhealthy or imbalanced relationships.”
“This splendid book is a crystal-clear guide to shamanic healing of ourselves and our relationships. I’m glad that Shamanic Healing for Toxic Relationships is now available in English. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who wants to be a self-empowered and happier human being.”
“What a gift this book is. I marvelled at its clarity and the author’s successful endeavour to present and weave together key elements of maps through (amongst other terrains) psychology and shamanism. The complexity of being human and finding ourselves welded into invisible and heavy patterns is faced head on. Kindness, encouragement, and strength is the tone of mentorship all the way through. The author brings us what so many caught in these webs are needing: a compassionate manual that provides tools for release and means for spiritual and neurological reawakening. Stepping out of this book is like emerging into a new world theatre where you realize even more truly that your life is your own, ready to be taken by the horns, and that everything that has ever happened has been an invitation to explore and unlock even deeper freedom and meaning.”
“This splendid book is a crystal-clear guide to shamanic healing of ourselves and our relationships. I’m glad that Shamanic Healing for Toxic Relationships is now available in English. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who wants to be a self-empowered and happier human being.”
“What a gift this book is. I marvelled at its clarity and the author’s successful endeavour to present and weave together key elements of maps through (amongst other terrains) psychology and shamanism. The complexity of being human and finding ourselves welded into invisible and heavy patterns is faced head on. Kindness, encouragement, and strength is the tone of mentorship all the way through. The author brings us what so many caught in these webs are needing: a compassionate manual that provides tools for release and means for spiritual and neurological reawakening. Stepping out of this book is like emerging into a new world theatre where you realize even more truly that your life is your own, ready to be taken by the horns, and that everything that has ever happened has been an invitation to explore and unlock even deeper freedom and meaning.”
Descriere
Transform toxic relationships on the energetic level