When loving you is wrong sometimes things don't turn out right. "I never thought I would be confronted by a man about a man," my fist clinched; what mirrored Stephanie was a father of children, a childhood friend she had accepted when others shunned him. He, Stephen, or aka "Stank" had befriended her encouraging 'girl talk' sessions over glasses of wine to vent. For the past 12 years they had shared the same lover. At that moment a sickness came over her, regret seemed to materialize into tears. His words solicited confrontation but the sheer pain of knowing how in the dark she was compelled her to retreat. Stephanie had to save face, with a large crowd of family and friends she advised Stank that from this point he should not chose his battles lightly in concern to her, while leaning in to assure the heat from her breathe moistened his ear. He'd known the entire time, he had been the other women they dissected and demeaned. He'd always been the other woman; Stephanie began to quiver at the entire betrayal. Stank had been out of the closet for over 15 years. Stephanie always encouraged him toward seeking the Lord in order to see he was a man, made for a woman. She often wondered why a man that likes a man acts like a woman to validate their choice, as if a bent wrist, high voice, wig and attitude meant God was suppose to give them a vagina or vice versa. She had always considered a form of mental illness when someone is uncomfortable in their own skin. A spiritual confusion that suggest that God made a mistake in His omnipotent decision of gender. Many pondered the desire of self love as spoken of in the Bible as not only men and women being lovers of themselves and the perversion and damnation attached to it. Stephanie's best guess was just that: a lack of or over affection by one parent, bad influences, molestation, generational curse or spiritual confusion. It was a sin just as any other; God could forgive them if they returned to His will for them but it would take her more time to. At this moment the 38 year old pondered every decision she ever made, the love they made and her capacity as a lover to move on. Was she somewhat manly herself? Regardless what could not be erased was he had always been the other woman. But after all the talking, all the praying and all the professing Stephanie realized she had been counseled by everyone but the Lord. How would she go about telling her girls about all the sudden changes for them, the move and new school before someone picked at them? How would she convince herself to go and get tested, she had remained faithful for 15 years so how did she explain to her doctor that she was now a high risk for HIV. She was so angry with Antonio that she never asked him if he had been tested. Stephanie was too angry with Stanky to care if he had been tested and with all the things she had heard of him she was almost certain he did have it. It was a mental prison to wish that death sentence on someone else while begging that you have dodged a bullet.