Chelsea's having a bad day. Her mom blew up (long story), her husband left her for another man (long story), she lost her job and apartment (another long story), and the long and short of it is-she is out of options. But her estranged dead mother left her a way out, a way out of all of it. All she has to do is do the one thing she refuses to do: take over the family business. What is the family business? Sex, sex, and more sex. So what's the big deal? Chelsea doesn't like sex. Or people. Or things. Or gooey things. And she trusts them even less. So when she is thrust into her worst nightmare, Chelsea discovers some dark secrets that illuminate all of her long stories.