n this timely and specific book, journalist and author Mary K. Doyle, whose husband of almost a quarter of a century now suffers from advanced Alzheimer's and no longer even recognizes her most of the time, gives gentle advice to other Alzheimer's spouses about what is in store for them and how to deal with their beloved soulmate in loving and practical ways while still protecting their own health and happiness. As she writes in the first chapter: We all knew from the start, of course, that we began our marriage with a covenant, an agreement that would bind us with our spouse through "the good times and the bad times." Few of us, however, reflected much about the implications of the promise to take responsibility to care physically and emotionally for each other, as we confidently and proudly proclaimed, "in sickness and in health, until death do us part." We were young (or at least younger than we are now). We were beginning a joyful new life. We realized there would be unhealthy days somewhere in the future, even expected them. But we never prepared for the terrorist known as Alzheimer's disease, which may even have been an uninvited guest at our wedding. It was at Marshall's and mine.
For each of the subchapters in this book, Doyle offers spouses of Alzheimer's patients bulleted suggestions for "What We Can Do" on specific issues at different stages of the disease. As she reminds her readers: "Happiness is a choice, in many ways. There's beauty, love, and support around us. We only have to reach out and grasp it. We find ourselves in the midst of what is almost certainly the most trying time of our marriage. When we are exhausted and frustrated, it can be easy to overlook the small joys in our life"€"the joys both within and beyond our spouse. If we must live with hardship, we should also enjoy these gifts."