Here it is, "The Ballad Of Pie Chart John: The Whole Shmear," the long-awaited conclusion to "The Ballad of Pie Chart John - Part One: Charting The Course." And just so you don't go thinking you've missed anything, "The Whole Shmear" includes an updated, expanded, and integrated version of the first book-which accounts for the auspiciously cream cheese-inspired title. For the unindoctrinated, here's the skinny: John Keller is something of a pie chart savant. Kicked in the head as a child, he is dogged by idiosyncratic memory problems, hearing voices from time to time-in a heavy German accent, no less. In his twenties John discovers that he is almost mystically adept at computer graphics-so much so that beings from another dimension become aware of his prowess. He is kidnapped-and what happens next could mean oddly dire consequences for the world as we know it. "The Ballad Of Pie Chart John: The Whole Shmear" should delight fans of Douglas Adams and Kurt Vonnegut. If you are such a fan, have read the book, and do not feel properly delighted, then maybe you were reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" by mistake and should go back and read the correct book. Because as far as tales go this is one to be reckoned with, where the mundane becomes surreal and lapels just don't function the way you thought they would. Now beat that.