The Cycle of the Gift – Family Wealth and Wisdom

Preface xv Acknowledgments xix Introduction xxv Chapter 1 The Elephant in the Room 1 Grandparents' Checks 2 When Giving Becomes an Opportunity 4 Chapter 2 The Spirit of the Gift 7 Where the Spirit Leads 11 The Who of Giving Chapter 3 Becoming a Wise Giver 17 Know Thyself 18 How Much? 21 Guilt and Remorse 24 Nothing Too Much 26 Chapter 4 Receiving Wisely 29 A Bad Investment? 30 The Psychological Stages of Giving 32 Giving and the Work Ethic 36 Not Yet 39 Meteors and Resilience 41 Investing in Recipients 44 Chapter 5 Spouses 47 Learning from Yourselves and Each Other 47 Three-Step Process 48 Blended Families 50 Prenuptial Discussions 51 Fiscal Unequals 54 Chapter 6 Grandparents 57 Grandparents' Great Opportunity 57 Involving Parents 58 Grandparents and Philanthropy 61 Chapter 7 Trustees 67 The Choice of Trustee 67 The Type of Trustee 69 The Relationship between Beneficiary and Trustee 69 A Regenerative Role 74 Chapter 8 Elders 77 Intergenerational Dynamics 78 Growing Elders 79 The Work of Elders 81 The How of Giving Chapter 9 Control versus Freedom 87 The Myth of the Free Gift 87 Cui Bono? 88 The Giving of Accounts 90 Letting Be 92 Chapter 10 Fair versus Equal, Separate versus Together 97 The Balancing Act 98 Pot Shots 100 Flourishing 102 Promises 103 Chapter 11 Giving Outright, via Loans, or in Trust? 107 Options 108 Sharing the Spirit 108 Making Loans Work 109 Why Trusts? 110 The Family Bank 113 Form versus Function 115 The What and Why of Giving Chapter 12 What Families Give 121 Homes 121 Business Interests 125 Values 131 Rituals 134 Reputation 136 Chapter 13 The Why of Giving 141 Why Not 142 The Family Tree 144 Giving Thanks 146 About the Authors 151 Index 155