Alan Mewling has plans for a brief retirement and then - when the Department of Various Affairs has succumbed to chaos without him - for a triumphant and lucrative return to the bureaucracy. However, a surreptitious act of Christmas bio-vandalism in the office of his branch head sends shock waves through the department, threatening not only Alan's plans but everything he believes himself to have achieved over the course of a long and unremarkable career. The January days that follow - meant to be a time when he can, yet again, demonstrate his indispensability - turn out to be the most challenging and transformative of his working life. For Alan Mewling, things can and will never be the same. 'Indispensable reading for anyone enduring day-to-day life in an office.' - David Carr 'Black comedy with a deeply troubling brown dimension.' - Catherine Ryan