We were approaching the island about noon. I was stretched out on the front bench of the pontoon boat, in a feline position with my eyes closed. I resembled a woman totally engrossed in sunbathing, without a care in the world. The truth of the matter was that my mind as well as my stomach was in turmoil. Fred left the launch and skimmed through the back bay. Our conversation had been easy and filled with laughter, as though the time when we had lost each other had not existed. The repeated humiliations, my illness, divorce and subsequent years, had been momentarily erased. The evolution of self-improvements, growth and ultimate maturity had made me secure and respecting myself again.
Then as the boat left the back bay and entered the narrow river, the tips of Fred's ears turned a bright red. Immediately I remembered the old familiar signal that he was about to lie. I waited and watched for his jaw muscle to start jumping and sure enough, in a matter of minutes, the facial dance started. I looked in the direction of his silent stare thinking, "He doesn't realize that I know where Stephanie (one of his latest sordid mistakes, that was supposed to be over) lives... My God, he's twisting his whole body around trying to identify the man in her yard. HE STILL CARES ABOUT HER After all of his protesting... all of his apologies... DAMN he's still a deceitful bastard. Why can't I get it through my head that sometimes a tree is just a tree?" By the time his gaze finally returned to me I sat up on the bench and shook out my auburn hair and let it blow in the breeze. Tear filled eyes, hidden behind my over sized Ray Bans, stared at the tips of his ears and facial twitch. Ireally wanted to cry because I was reacting to his ever-predictable behavior after all of my resolutions. Ad nauseam, I tried to mentally switch gears.
"This is wonderful, I didn't realize how much I missed boating and this pontoon is certainly better than the old Bogart. I think I'm just going to soak up these delicious rays" I said, wishing he'd be smart enough to see the negative image his persona gave off. Three years and he still hadn't learned that lies were his ultimate downfall. Of course Fred was comfortable in this one of his favorite elements and would never believe that I could perceive what had just occurred. "Knock yourself out, Good Lookin": he said. I did my best to exude a false bravado and pasted a phony smile on my face, lay back down, silently chanting a mantra to my self "I won't react- I won't react" over and over until I regained some modicum of self control. After five minutes, I was only aware of the all too familiar smell of salt air, the spray of water and heat of the sun. I'd just started drifting off, when his comment shattered my peace. "Hey woman, you are driving me crazy in that bikini. You look great and unless a person looked real close, they'd never notice all the scars." "SWEET JESUS " I thought and kept my eyes closed, letting my mind wander off to the beginning, the beginning of our move to paradise, or should I rephrase it? The kingdom of paradise and the self-appointed king