Remember your childhood, your school days? Know the difference between a tickle and a knuckle, a bovver bump and a bovver square? No? What about your understanding of the merits of both the steel ruler and the toughened plastic comb on the field of battle? None the wiser? Then chances are that you're not a survivor of that most fearsome of British institutions in the nineteen seventies, the English secondary modern school. Read with incredulity how a time, a place and a country seemingly in terminal decline, conspired to produce the little bulldozers, in this, the first part of the Telling Tales trilogy.