Dr. Rufus T. Dingleberry lives in Schmuelabe, Texas, which is as far away as he could get from Washington, DC; where he is a bum, a lech, a leech, a drunk, a pothead, a bachelor and a Redskins fan. He panhandles for nickels and dimes in front of bars and restaurants and uses the money to go to strip joints where he is beaten up by midget biker chicks.
He enjoys getting a bikini wax for religious reasons. He is disease free but not for lack of trying. He is Druid, but then, isn't everyone? He is currently on six years supervised probation after 87 arson convictions. He was once mugged by a plate of uncooked calamari.
He likes women with a pulse and desire to sleep with someone who has the sexual prowess of Stephen Hawking. His Texas girlfriend, Ida Dunim, wears Dr. Dingleberry's specially designed BBQ flavored vaginal douche called "Skank." He is extremely proud of his record of driving, by the relentless application of what one old girlfriend called his "disconcerting" sexual technique, more straight women into the arms of lifelong Lesbianism than any other straight man in the history of the free world.
He is old but very immature. That must count for something. And girls, he is still single. Go figure
He lives on surplus government cheese, Vlasic Kosher Garlic Dill Pickles and powdered lemonade, with the occasional $49 cent can of Little Friskies Prime Filets of Beef in Gravy; hot, with Tabasco sauce.
Dr. Dingleberry's favorite music is the sound of a sledgehammer hitting raw pig liver. His favorite group is a Cambodian Herman's Hermits cover band called The Turds.
In closing and in summary Dr. Rufus T. Dingleberry just wants to be left alone with his fancy beer, pot, Prozac, Lithium, Washington Post and memories of when the Redskins used to win Super Bowls.