..".the chance to look back through my life as I remember it, or even recoup memories of my past I thought I'd forgotten about, also to see how much of my life was actually trans related, although at that particular time in my life I judged it as being quite normal" ..".from the first time when for some strange reason you're tempted to wear that skirt and blouse and it feels right, but you know that doing such things will cause you to be hurt with ridicule by others, so you don't. It's the period of time in which you live in fear, the time between you living how think others wish you to live and the time you start to admit to yourself that you're not actually the person you think others would want you to be and the need to do something about it. You stay locked there in this state, in constant denial with yourself and that it's all just a phase, or a period in your life when you're lost, it's just some stupid fetish you have and that it'll pass. That eventually you can put aside all of these feelings and the thoughts you had and it'll all go away and no one will ever need to know. But you later come to realise that it doesn't pass, it never does go away, that it is in fact something that's very real, that it isn't something that can hide from for the rest of your life, as much as you may want to believe that you can."