The Lost Ark of the Sacred Movement

After the Last Supper, it seems that Jesus left behind more than just his teachings. Saved in the Ark of the One True Excreta, the limestone box disappeared into history - until the discovery of ancient scriptural texts at Nag Hammadi in 1945 where the Gnostic Gospel of Shem the Caterer surfaced. Shem worked the Last Supper and wrote that the Christ knowingly ate his pork specialty as His final meal. If the ark is found and its contents are subjected to a fecal spectrogram proving Shem correct, then Jesus as the fulfillment of scripture will be thoroughly destroyed. A present-day murder sets into motion a mad search for the ark by the Church and a number of surprisingly deadly opponents. Some want to save Christianity, others destroy it. Unfortunately, the odds are not on the side of the saviors: through a collision of events, the whereabouts of the ark and the fate of Christianity rest in the hands of Mickey Samanov, a five (or is it six?) timed divorced San Francisco pool cleaner who founded his own online church to meet women, and Danica Farberger, the lesbian cop who arrested him the night before their adventure begins, and whom he'd love to make wife number six (or is it seven?). Taking place inside a week, spanning centuries and continents, this is a breathless anti-Dan Brown mystery/thriller with gratuitous violence and sex, major attitude and, somehow, genuine research...and is ultimately a rumination on the very nature of blind faith versus informed faith.