A light hearted look at working offshore in the UK and then onshore in Asia. The UK bit: The offshore life, the fire fighting course, the survival course, the offshore medical, the boiled Rolex, the strange gamble, the polish checksheet, the tree huggers mail, Sammy Davis Jr, the snipers dream, the terrified groom, the loudmouth boxer, the bogus taxi, the disappearing auditor, the sportsman's dinner, the irate scaff, choppers and customs, the day rate, keeping the faith, doing the quiz, the poems, Fred the painter, slush puppies, the wrong hotel room, the eight minute crossword, the parrot, the dodgy raffle, fighting Ali, the crazy director, keeping safe, all tickets please, the magician, a time to remember, the cats in the cradle and when are you coming home? The Asia bit: A new culture on an old job, the size of it all, feel the heat, silly interviews, getting deported, learning the lingo, Stalin's finger, give me water, the cats milk, counterfeit money, now it's our turn, broken arrows, the global email, the red fire engine, sorry Mr Putin, market enterprise, the big freeze, marvellous people, the conflict of interest, odd flowers and other customs, the not so clever thieves, we're in the wrong house, emptying the restaurant, getting to grips, we've struck oil right outside our office block, there has to be a firewater line here somewhere, the proper way to measure a vessel, when four became sixteen and they shoot dogs don't they?