The Second Coming, The Last parable of Jesus Synopsis: There is much said and written today about "The End of Days." Christian evangelists, right wing politicians, fundamentalists of all faiths are all eagerly anticipating and encouraging, the destruction of our lovely planet and the eternal torment of the 'unbelievers.' We tell a different story. What if this whole Jesus the savior story is wrong, totally absurd? What if the second coming is not about believers and unbelievers, not about being saved at all? What if Jesus actually returns a second time for entirely different reasons, like to save people from needing to be saved, from Christianity itself, or from too many plastic bags blowing around in the desert? John, a homeless guy in Barstow whose life work is cleaning up plastic trash in the desert and returning it to the stores it came from, makes the celestial entreaty when he finds an innocent raven suffocated in a plastic bag. God, always in shock and awe at what his children believe and do, calls Jesus down from Nirvana to Paradise to share a marguerita and then sends him down for the Second Coming. Jesus, now pronounced HeyZeus, takes birth in a Hispanic family in Barstow because white folks don't name their kids Jesus. And no, it is not an immaculate conception but rather an over the top threesome with Maria, Jose and, of course, the Holy Spirit. At birth the house is clean, however, so even though it is not an immaculate conception, it IS an immaculate reception. Jesus grows up with a strong distaste for plastic bags and especially crosses. He hates crosses and doesn't understand why anyone would express love for someone by wearing the source of their suffering around their necks. Jesus also meets and falls in love with Maria Magdalena and is tutored by her 'pet' Paul, the Basset Hound incarnation of the Apostle. Paul tells Jesus how he was set up as savior by unscrupulous people (himself included) for their own ends and it's been going on for 2000 years. Jesus grows up to be a really good guy and wants everyone to be happy and get along and treat each other in a neighborly way. He puts together a rock band with Maria, Luke and Marcos (a lesbian and gay who are making a cd called the Gospels according to Luke and Marcos). Their band is called Sibling Revelry and their first news coverage comes while singing and protesting Mel Gibson's movie The Passion as being cruel and anti-Semitic. Mal Gypsome, the founder of the Anti-Semitic Society to Keep Jesus Suffering Forever and Ever, plots to expose Jesus who is being touted as the Messiah and the Second Coming. Using a Hollywood agent named Judas, he has Jesus recruited to appear as the first guest on William Pontius' pilot TV show "Exposed" where he will be grilled by a panel of religious experts and authorities. Jesus prevails over Cardinal Cluck, Timothy 'take me home' Tuday, televangelist Bradley Doe Nation and his lovely wife Bambi. The audience votes Jesus to be the real thing on Pontius' patent pending Fraudometer. The show, full of surprises, music and cameo appearances by God, is a resounding success and Pontius offers Jesus his own show so he can save people like Dr. Phil. This is all very depressing to Jesus because he came to end the whole savior thing once and for all and now he is being set up again, just like the first time. He steps out in the dark street to be alone and promptly gets run over by Mal and his boys, disguised as Jews for Jesus, in their van. Jesus, now surrounded by his friends, Paul, Maria, etc., delivers his last parable. "I did not come to save anyone the first time and I cannot save you this time. You are on your own. Take care of yourselves, each other, and stop throwing plastic bags all over the place." God, dressed in drag, comes to lead His Son home. They walk off toward Nirvana with God adjusting his too tight panties.