The Shame Complex

Shame is a notoriously unpleasant emotion that almost all of us have experienced at least once in our lifetimes. Almost everyone knows what the feeling of shame is like. However, we are reluctant to disclose our shameful experiences. It is often mentioned that shame is a taboo subject. Ironically, we are ashamed of our shame. It seems to be much easier to say that 'I am angry/sad/nervous‛ than to say 'I am ashamed." Rather than finding it liberating, there is an assumption that talking about shame is demeaning, or is a sign of weakness. Therefore, until recently, there has been a dearth of research, understanding, and knowledge about shame, to the extent that shame and similar emotions, such as guilt, are used interchangeably in the literature. Since shame appears to be present in a wide variety of psychological disorders and is associated with mental health problems such as depression, social phobia, and eating disorders, it is necessary to extend our knowledge in this area and to become well-equipped to deal with shame.

The current shame theorists suggest that shame is one of the so-called self-conscious emotions because it mainly involves an evaluation of the self. Shame is believed to be an incapacitating emotion that is accompanied by the feeling of being small, inferior, and shrinking. The self, as a whole, is devalued and considered to be inadequate, incompetent, and worthless. Shame might also involve the feeling of being exposed, condemned, and ridiculed.

Unlike basic emotions, shame does not seem to have distinctive universal facial expressions and is not experienced similarly in different cultures. Emotions such as shame, pride, guilt, embarrassment, envy, empathy, and jealousy are associated with a sense of self and self-awareness; hence, they belong to a family of self-conscious emotions. To experience shame, individuals need an ability to form self-representations, internalize external values, and compare and evaluate themselves. Therefore, shame is not experienced in species with lower cognitive abilities and understanding.

People tend to experience shame when they become aware of the difference between their actual and ideal self-representation, attribute a negative event to the self and evaluate the self negatively, or see themselves as having a lower status. In this part, we look at each of these theories.

In shame, there is a feeling of inadequacy, unworthiness, and inferiority. Shame can occur when someone makes internal, stable, uncontrollable, and global attributions for a negative incident or when they feel they have a lower status concerning others.

Women and people from underprivileged backgrounds, minorities, and working-class people are more prone to experience shame.